Attention Incoming Freshman Girls: We Already Hate You.

Freshman girls. Two words uttered with excitement by upperclassmen guys, but uttered with disdain accompanied with scoffs and eye rolls by upperclassmen girls. These perceived interlopers consistently dampened discussions I had with many of my friends around our upcoming sophomore year. Sound a little off to you?
It’s as though we view the average freshman girl as a super-eager, stupid, slutty, and sloppy caricature: think Rebecca Black-out. Full disclosure, I’ve repressed the fact that I’ve come pretty close to resembling that image on a few Friday, Saturday, and maybe even a handful of Sunday nights my own first year of college. So, maybe I’m a little biased in their defense.
I thought this was a secret sentiment, but when I signed onto Twitter the one day in early August, at the top of my timeline, a public tweet by a fellow rising sophomore read: “Attention incoming freshman girls: We already hate you.”
It has now come to my attention that a phenomenon is occurring in which confident young women are reverting to insecure mean girls. So what is going on? Why do freshmen girls make their (slightly) older counterparts so crazy?
Why we hate them:
1. We want attention.
I don’t care where you go to school; every fall marks the beginning of The Freshman Feeding Frenzy. Everyone (and by everyone I mean upperclassmen guys) gets excited that an immature, impressionable group of girls is coming in…and they begin the buffet (creepy metaphor right? Well, it is creepy.). As freshmen, this attention feels great, even if it isn’t for the best reasons. However, as sophomores, some of us fear that we’ll become socially irrelevant or that our new “competition” will (gasp!) start to think that they’re hot shit. This is ridiculous.
I know some of us are scared of losing “our” guys, but keep in mind ladies, this frenzy says more about the average upperclassman guy’s relationship with himself than with you. He wants attention too! Remember how he went from god to gross right before your eyes by the end of freshman year? That fall from grace hurts too.
Well, now he has someone new to awe with that “sick” jersey display in his dorm room and lavish with V.I.P. invites to exclusive campus soirées. Awww, see girls? They just want to be loved and appreciated… starting with their kegs.
2. We no longer have an excuse for being “that girl.”
I don’t care who you are; every freshman girl has at least one of those embarrassing, rookie moments. I’m talking about everything from wandering the campus lost, looking for your first class to classily booting on that bro at that frat party that you don’t quite remember (black-out, a blessing in disguise?). But seriously, no more excuses. We’re all obviously still young and will still make mistakes, but we no longer have that wonderful “stupid freshman” defense—and that pisses us off.
3. We don’t get a second chance at freshman year.
So, maybe you were “that girl” a lot last year and would like a fresh start. Some girls have the idea that, because their freshman year is over, their reputations/college destinies have already been determined. Really? You’re over-the-hill at 21?
Each year is a new beginning. Don’t limit yourself.
4. We’re just jealous.
Let’s be honest with ourselves, all the above point to plain ‘ol playa’ hatin’.
So…
Why we should love them:
1. We all get little sisters, mini-me’s, or minions.
Whether you’re thinking sister or something more sinister, freshman girls just provide another opportunity to develop friendships or even take someone under your wing. I’m not talking magic carpet ride college style, but something more along the lines of  “Hey, you, let’s get you to the bathroom so you can vom in a toilet and not in the middle of this dance floor.” Now, to an obliterated freshman, you’ve opened up a whole new porcelain world.
2. We’re above this bullshit.
This is college, not high school. Lets grow up, girls. We’re better than this.
3. We WERE JUST THEM.
One, two, three years ago TOPS. We’re really not so different. Oh and hey, remember the times being a freshman sucked? Of course you don’t, because it’s easier to get nostalgic. We can totally relate to them, so let’s come from a place of compassion and not from a place of I’ll-cut-a-bitch.
4. Now, if none of the above possibilities appeal to you, you’re probably pretty selfish (no judgment, I understand). However, I still want to help you out. So consider this: YOU WILL LOOK BAD.
So, you know how we JUST WERE THEM? Remember when you realized that the upperclassmen didn’t like you — even though you had never done anything directly to them? It didn’t take me long to go from cowardly to conceited when I realized that the girls that made nasty faces when my group of friends entered a party actually felt threatened by us. “Why should I be scared of them if they’re scared of me?” That sense of power eventually turned to pity. And do you really want to be pitied by the girl who just ate shit by the pong table because she still doesn’t have her beer-soaked-floor footing?
So, let’s try this again.
Dear incoming freshman girls,
We love you. Good luck this year. We’re here if you need us, butsohelpmeGODifyoutouchthatseniorguyI’vehadmyeyeo-F***
Still working on it…

Sex in the News: A Reaction to a Reaction to "Sluts"
Sex in the News: A Reaction to a Reaction to "Sluts"
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