Tuffy Luv Is A Homewrecker

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have a problem that most girls would kill to have. My boyfriend of three years proposed to me.
The problem is, I don’t think I want to go through with it. I’m graduating college in June. He graduated last year and moved back home with his parents. Since then, he’s been working at the mall near where he grew up. It’s only an hour away from school so I still see him all the time, and he seems really happy.
But that’s the problem. He seems really happy just working at the mall. I want to have a whole career and I think I have a chance at getting a job at the firm where I’m interning. I thought the two of us had similar goals, but, since the summer, I’ve come to realize we don’t. He wants to just go to work and come home and hang out, but I want to have a real career and if I have to work late or weekends, I’m fine with that. He gets really sad if I ever stay late at my internship. He says jobs are so you can afford to live, but I see my job as more than that.
We started dating when I was a freshman, and while I like him a lot, I just don’t think he’s “the one.” I feel like we’re better as friends. I’ve known this for a while, but I really care about him a lot (he was my first for pretty much everything, and he’s a really good guy), but I didn’t want to hurt him so I guess I just kind of let it keep going. He’s a good person and I could see myself with him but I just don’t think I’d be happy.
I already said yes to getting married. He proposed in front of a bunch of our friends and I didn’t want to make him feel bad. But now I’m panicked because I KNOW I do not want to marry him but now it’s so much worse! Help!!!!!!!
Dear Fiancee,
Wow, that does suck.
Okay, well, obviously you can’t just “let it keep going.” I mean, you really canNOT marry the guy. That would be sucky for you and VERY unfair for him.
See, really, you should have told him how you felt when you were originally feeling it. Because NOW it’s like you’ve been lying to him.
But don’t freak out!! You have to do it, but you’re going to do it in the nicest way possible.
Meet up with him and just tell him the whole truth. (Well, I wouldn’t mention not liking that he’s happy at his job; that might come off as condescending. Say the other stuff: how you love him but you just don’t think this is the right thing right now.) He’ll be mad. You’ll probably both cry. But, ultimately, it’s the right thing to do, and hopefully someday he’ll respect you for it.
And more importantly, you won’t end up with someone you know isn’t the one and he won’t end up with someone who doesn’t want to be with him.
You know this sucks. And you know it will keep on sucking. But once you do it, I promise life as a whole will suck less.
And then, in fact, you can both start fresh and find someone who’s right for you.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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