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Ice Cream Flavors for College Students

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Recently Ben & Jerry’s released an ice cream flavor called “Schweddy Balls”, based off a Saturday Night Live sketch. I thought it was hilarious. Parents thought it was awful. A parent group is protesting the flavor because they think it’s vulgar. Well guess what, parent group? If you are going to prevent your kid from eating ice cream because it has a vulgar name, then your kid is totally going to go wild when they go off to college.

So here are some ice cream flavors for wild college students.

1. Walk of Shame Surprise

This flavor would be packaged in a sparkly black carton, much like the dress you walked home in this morning. The ice cream would be made with stale beer and shame. Tons of shame.

2. Exam Cram

You spent this whole week partying when you should have been studying for your chem exam. Good thing Exam Cram is made with Red Bull, 5-Hour Energy and NoDoz pills.

3. Freshman 15

This is a mixture of Big Macs, leftover pizza, beer, Chinese takeout and Ramen noodles. Eat up, size up.

4. Plan-B Brittle

So you had a little too much fun last night and forgot to ask if he had a condom. So what? All you need is a spoonful of Plan-B Brittle in the morning. Each spoonful has one Plan-B pill, and it even tastes like peanut butter!

5. Procrastination Party

This flavor would be filled with reminders that you have a full DVR and a full newsfeed since you haven’t checked your Facebook since 10 minutes ago. Studying can wait.

6. Keg Stand

This flavor is a mixture of beer and water, and it’s only good if you eat it upside down.

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  • COLLEGECANDY Writer
    Jessica Zaleski is an entertainment and pop culture addict. She'll watch anything on TV and her day is made when there is a huge celeb scandal (That day when TomKat announced their divorce AND Adele announced she was pregnant was better than Jessica's birthday to her). Her favorite food is sandwiches, and cheese is a close second. She graduated from the University of Florida in 2012 and is currently living and working in New York City.