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Is it Smart to Be Friends With Your Ex? Adele Thinks So

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It’s really difficult to be friends with your ex. It’s even more difficult when you had a nasty breakup. Now imagine that nasty breakup inspired a record breaking album…say Adele‘s 21. I love this fierce ginger Brit. I rock out to “Set Fire To The Rain” in the shower and throw on “Someone Like You” while I eat a pint of Chunky Monkey. She created an amazing “eff you” album that empowered women to say goodbye to that loser in your life and move on.

Well, Miss Adele has had a little setback and decided to befriend the ex that served as her muse for 21. While we don’t know what went wrong in their relationship and why the breakup was so bad, we do know that it must have been pretty significant to write an entire album dedicated to it. Adele told UK’s The Independent, “We’re becoming friends again. It’s alright, I know what I’m doing. Enough time has gone by. Now with what’s going on with the album around the world, it’s important to be able to share it with him because it’s marvelous what has happened. He changed my life, I can’t deny that. The album helped me get over splitting up with my boyfriend. It helped me forgive and I hope that he has forgiven himself. I’m not boastful but selling 10 million albums for a little girl from Tottenham, I’m very proud of that.”

As someone who has become friends with several exes that I should have stayed away from, I feel that Adele is taking several steps backwards. It’s one thing to forgive your ex in your own heart and mind, but it’s another to make them aware of it. I’ve forgiven this guy after nearly four years, but we’re not friends. I’ve forgiven another ex for being verbally and emotionally abusive, but we’re not friends either. I’m friends with a few guys I “dated,” not with those I had significant relationships with. And especially not with those I had bad breakups with.

I’m not one to judge. Maybe Adele does know what she’s doing this time, and they could be “just friends” after enough time. She’s a mature woman and can make her own decisions. What about the rest of us? Here are the pros and cons of being friends with an ex you had a bad breakup with:

Pro: Comfort

After you’ve dated someone for a while, you become comfortable. That comfort will always be there, and it can be nice to hold onto that even after it’s over. When you share so much of your life with another person, you tend to lean on them for support in tough times. They know how you handle situations and can help you get through something.

Con: Bringing Up Old Arguments

This will happen. You can say that you won’t do it, but old issues will come up. You’ll find yourself in the same arguments you had when you were dating even though you’re just friends and aren’t in a relationship. And it comes from both sides, not just the ex. You’ll end up bringing up stuff too because you can’t help it.

Pro: Peace Of Mind

Being friends with an ex can be really calming because it usually means they won’t say bad things about you to others or try to sabotage your next relationship. If you can maintain a friendship, they’ll be more inclined to keep you in a positive light. You can support each other in things going on in your lives. Except other relationships.

Con: Jealousy

If you’re friends with an ex, you generally can’t talk about the new person you’re dating or all the people you’ve been hooking up with. It will cause a serious case of jealousy. You wouldn’t want to hear about their relationships or sex life with someone else. You think you’re over them and you “just want them to be happy” but the truth is, you’re a little jealous and wish they were fawning over you again.

Pro: Reminiscing On Good Times

You obviously had some good memories in your relationship if you’re willing to be friends with your ex. Those memories are pleasant and can fuel a friendship. It can be simple things like that time it was storming so you skipped class and watched movies all day. Enough good memories might allow you to move past the bad ones, but be careful.

Con: Someone Will Feel Something

Whether it’s you or your ex, one of you will start to have feelings again. The memories I mentioned above can lead to reminiscing too much and remembering how happy you were in that relationship, even though you obviously weren’t. It’s hard to turn off attraction from someone you’ve dated and being friends can hinder that. Once one of you begins to have feelings again, it’ll be bad news. And you might think your relationship will work again, but it will probably be just as disastrous as the first time around.

COLLEGECANDY Writer