Rumor has it that the iPhone 5 will be announced in a few days. What? I feel like the original iPhone was announced like a month ago. People are going CRAZY for the new iPhone, like crazier than people during the hype of Beanie Babies. I don’t really understand why, because how different can it be from the iPhone 4, which came out two minutes ago, or the iPhone 6, which will probably be out by the time you’re done reading this?
So cool your jets, people. Let’s not go too crazy for this new phone. Here’s a few ways you probably shouldn’t react when the iPhone 5 is announced.
1. Don’t skip all of your mid-terms to go to New York City and camp out in front of the Apple store. It doesn’t look good to grad schools or potential employers if you say, “Yeah my grades are really bad, but I have a really cool phone.
2. Don’t destroy your iPhone 4. We don’t want to be premature. We don’t even know for sure if Apple is announcing an iPhone 5. If you destroy your old phone, and Apple ends up announcing the iSnuggie, you’ll be pretty upset.
3. Don’t end a 10-year friendship if your BFF gets the new iPhone before you do. You guys probably made a blood oath when you were younger to be friends forever. Blood oaths > iPhone.
4. Don’t buy every new app. It will probably end up costing more than the phone itself, and you’ll be stuck with some really stupid apps taking up tons of your cool, new gigabytes.
5. Don’t wear a black turtleneck during the week of the release. Steve Jobs isn’t even the CEO of Apple anymore, and you’ll look like a weird beat poet.