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Things I Never Want To Do With The Kardashians

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The Kardashians are everywhere. I used to watch E! every morning, but now there’s reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians instead of The Soup. I once resorted to watching Spongebob because I couldn’t take it anymore. How much can this family monopolize itself? I’m confused why they have so many shows: Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (twice!), Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Khloe and Lamar’s Wedding Special, Khloe and Lamar. What’s next, Kendall and Kylie Take High School? Or maybe Bruce and Rob Go Golfing? Kris and Kris Hang Out With Kim?

I’m getting pretty sick of their TV takeover, and I’ve come up with some things that I’d never want to do with the Kardashians. None of these apply to Bruce because let’s be real, he’s awesome and we could totally be friends.

1. Go On Vacation. Um did anyone else see their latest vacation to Bora Bora? I happened to watch that episode like six times and heaven forbid Kim finds flowers in her room or loses another insured earring in three feet of crystal clear water. I could not deal with Scott and Kourtney’s fighting or Rob’s drunken shenanigans.

2. Shop. While I’m sure it’d be nice if the Kardashians took me on a paid shopping spree, there’s no way I’d subject myself to “Oh my God that would look so good on me” or their constant need to stare at themselves in the mirror.

3. Eat.  Kim for one is always late and being late when food is involved does not fly with me. I’m sure they go to some nice places, but a fight always ensues, and I like to eat my meals in peace.

4. Go Out. I’m not even worried about Scott on this one because he’s been under control lately. But when drinks are flying in the Kardashian world, so is the drama. None of them seem to handle alcohol well and something always goes terribly wrong. I don’t want my night out to end in disaster and embarrassment.

5. Spend THIS Much Time Watching Kim’s Fairytale Wedding. There are a billion things you could do with this amount of time, you seriously will not believe it. I was shocked. I’m pretty sure Lord Of The Rings is shorter. Also note that it’s called Kim’s Fairytale Wedding, not Kim and Kris’s.

COLLEGECANDY Writer