He Said/She Said–Answers to His Questions

Last week’s column called for me to ask a writer at COED Magazine the burning questions girls have about guys. This week, I am answering the burning questions guys want to know from girls. (I’ll be honest, I laughed quite a few time when I read the questions). Ohh, the mind of a guy! So here you have it, some female insight to those 21 questions.
Why do you kill your children?
Why do men beat their wives? These kinds of questions don’t have one simple answer. People are crazy and take their emotions to an entirely different level that causes them to do harmful things. In my opinion, it’s a matter of control. Men beat their wives to have total control over them emotionally and physically (well that, and guys like that are nuts!), while I assume women kill their children because there’s a lack of control over their own lives (…and those women are crazy). Case and point, Casey Anthony. However, I don’t think this question is as simple as you’ve posed it to be! …And quite a generalization for that matter. (Men kill their kids, too, ya know!)
Why do you wear cleavage shirts?
Like so many answers to come, it’s as simple as “because society tells us to.” Have you ever watched a Victoria’s Secret commercial with your girlfriend beside you on the couch? Think about it, if you’re ogling a damn supermodel, we’re going to do what we can to look like that.
Why do you make that duck face so much?
HA! This question had me laughing out loud. I’ve never been too keen on the duck face myself, but I have stalked plenty of professional duck face-making ladies on Facebook. My only answer would be that girls like the way that facial expression makes their cheekbones protrude.
Why do you talk so much?
Because some guys just don’t talk enough. Someone’s got to fill that silence! If you’re referring to why we talk so much to each other, well that’s simple, we like it! And just like dudes get something out of tossing a football back and forth, we get that same thing out of grabbing a drink and discussing boys, last Friday night and whatever else is on our minds.
Why do you dig guys with scars?
I wasn’t aware of this one but my best guess is that ladies like to “fix” guys. Maybe a dude with a scar symbolizes that he’s been hurt and we think we can make him better. Could be totally off, but our minds are pretty twisted sometimes.
Why do you stay in abusive relationships?
When a woman is in an abusive relationship, the man often makes her feel so small that she feels utterly worthless, making it hard to have any strength within to get out of the relationship. Attachment is a sticky thing and when any kind of abuse is involved, the diminished self-esteem and self-confidence makes it incredibly challenging to seek help and remove oneself from that situation. And imagine the fear she might encounter after ending an abusive relationship! That he might come find her, etc. It’s hard enough calling it quits in a healthy relationship, but when you’ve been in a relationship where the abuser is the one who brings you up and down, the abused becomes dependent on that person to bring them back up, no matter how wrong that seems.
Why do you date/fall in love with married men?
For those who are attracted to married men, it must be because they view the guy as stable and committed, which are good things, just not when the man is married to someone else. I’ve never been one to reach out to a guy who is attached, let alone has a ring on his finger, but apparently lots of women and men are into that.
Why do you like taking so many pictures?
We are confident and pretty! And with technology these days it’s a lot easier to document outings. Sure it may be annoying, but if it makes us happy, who cares? If you don’t want to see the pictures, “unsubscribe” to us. (Thanks, Facebook.)
Why do you wear G-strings?
Once again, because society tells us to! Let’s be real here, “butt floss” is not comfortable. We wear thongs because they make us feel sexy…because that’s what the media, retail stores and dudes are telling us is sexy. That, and sometimes a panty line is not attractive!
Why do you house ice cream when you’re sad?
Because ice cream can’t break my heart! Have you ever heard of a depressing ice cream name? Me either. In fact, a study by the neuroscientists at the Institute of Psychiatry in London found that eating a spoonful of ice cream, “…lights up the same pleasure centre in the brain as winning money or listening to your favorite music.” So there ya go!
Why do you play hard to get?
It’s safe to say we like the attention you’re giving us, but we’re still deciding whether or not we actually like you. Either that or you’re playing hard to get so we’re just playing the game.
Why do you keep posting inches on Facebook?
This one’s simple! Because a girl got screwed over by a dude and discussing his “size” in a negative way is the ultimate dig. Don’t be a douchelord (in the words of Khloe Kardashian) in the first place and we won’t pull stuff like that!
Why do you open your mouth when you apply mascara?
Because we watched our mother do it and she watched her mother do it and so on. For the record, it is physically possible to apply mascara and keep our mouths closed.
Why do you cheat?
Likewise! I’ve heard before that people cheat because something’s “missing” in the relationship. Note: If something is missing, talk about it with your partner. If that something can’t be fixed, end the relationship, then go about your business. Cheating hurts, lemme tell ya!
Why do you nag so much?
The nagging wouldn’t happen if you listened the first time.
Why do girls smell like fish?
(Really with this question?) Vaginal infection or bad hygiene down there. Every girl has their own odor, but fish is not a healthy smell.
Why do you overanalyze everything?
Honestly, no idea! I wish we didn’t, it gets us into a lot more trouble than it should.
Why do you crave chocolate so much?
Society tells us to eat chocolate as a form of comfort when we’re sad, when we feel like shit on our periods and when we crave sex. That means we crave chocolate a lot each month.
Why do you twirl your hair?
We’re feeling for split ends or we think it’s cute.
What do you talk about in the bathroom?
On campus? We talk about our hectic school schedule. In the club? We talk about which guy we’ve been eying or which bar we can snag free drinks at next.
Why do you think you’re always right?
A lot of times guys don’t understand or can’t relate to what we’re saying. So instead of putting up a fight with you, we’ll just end the conversation and believe we’re right by default, simply because you couldn’t grasp what we were saying to you.
And now for the best part of all. Remember those questions we asked COED last week? Well, it’s his turn at bat. Let’s see what He Says!

Ask A Dude: Should I Worry About The Porn?
Ask A Dude: Should I Worry About The Porn?
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