When you live in a world where the Jersey Turnpike is the dance move of choice and having a fluorescent orange hue radiating off of your skin ensures a trip to the smush room, some changes need to be made.
Bring the “skirt” back to mini skirts. Now don’t get me wrong – mini skirts can look fabulous when worn the right way. They’re figure-flattering, sleek, and make your legs look a mile longer than usual. The problem is that the actual “skirt” part of the mini skirt has become essentially non-existent. If you drop your phone and need to bend over to pick it up, save the crowd a couple bucks and make your skirt a couple of inches longer next time.
The sailor trend is hot, however cussing like a sailor is not. Wear your fabulous nautical prints and boat shoes all you want, but when it comes to saying “ahoy” to your mateys, leave the words your mother wouldn’t approve of out of the conversation. The instant a swear word comes out of your mouth, you go from looking like a class act to someone who is just asking for a nice stroll off the plank.
See-food belongs in the ocean. As much as the people around you most likely love getting smacked in the face with the chunks of food flying out of your mouth, it’s highly recommended that you keep your digestion process to yourself. When you’re home alone with your cat, gorge away, but when you’re in the presence of other human beings, keep those chompers behind closed doors.
Keep your ABC’s in the classroom. As much fun as your funbags may be, keep those kiddies put away. A little cleavage is fine, but when you pull a Janet Jackson every time you go out with the girls, you may want to leave a little for the imagination.
Too much P-D-A is a major N-O. Kissing your boy toy in front of your friends is cute. Giving his tush a little squeeze is sexy. But sticking your tongues down each other’s throats mid-conversation with a group of people may make for a very gag-worthy performance.
We’ve all seen or have unfortunately been one of the ladies behaving badly, reaching the level of trashy that even garbage men wouldn’t approve of, but it’s never too late to clean up our acts.
The time you head out the door in your five-inch heels and booty shorts (or are going Gaga-style with no shorts at all), remember – Justin Timberlake brought sexy back. And if you like following in JT’s footsteps as much as we do (mostly because of the nice view), sexy will be back faster than you went out to buy an *NSYNC CD in 4th grade. Yes, that fast.