Right now, America is experiencing economic hardships. Times so tough that even our multi-million dollar making, jump shot shooting, around-the-rim slam dunking NBA ballers can’t even catch a break! Diehard fans’ worst nightmare has officially come to fruition: the NBA lock-out is here.
Here’s the low-down on the lock-out, for those of you who don’t know: players don’t want to concede to more pay cuts, but managers and owners don’t want to (or can’t afford to) give players the salaries they think they are owed. Until they get what they demand, professional athletes are going to act like my 12-year-old sister and pout.
Fine. Be babies, guys. Not like I wanted to wear my Knicks jersey anytime soon.
Then, I had an awesome idea. What if our larger-than-life athletes – instead of stomping their feet and throwing a temper tantrum – got on with their lives in lieu of the lockout? I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out on this one. College kids know way better than anyone what to do when you’ve got nothing to do, right? And college girls know how the best activities. I mean, really…who wants to sit around playing video games all day, guys?
So, since you’ve got tons of time on your hands Bron-Bron, it’s time to step off your throne as the King of Cleveland and take some advice from the real powers that be: college girls.
We know, you’ve already vacationed in the West Indies twice this year, bought four new Rolls Royce’s…hell, you even convinced Jay Z and Beyoncé to have a baby. Don’t worry if you’re all out of ideas on ways to spend our money because like the do-gooders that we are, we’ve got some tips for you…