It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when gorgeous models prance around in next to nothing on network television…yes, I’m talking about the Victoria Secret Annual Fashion Show! Instead of getting insecure and feeling badly about myself while watching abnormally beautiful people on CBS this upcoming Tuesday night, I’ve decided to embrace the female parade in a few ways.
Recognize it as a holiday tradition. The transformation of shopping malls into lands of holiday consumerism happens every year, whether we participate in Black Friday outdoor sleepovers and Wal-Mart pepper spray raids or otherwise. The fashion show is part of the scheduled televised rituals of the holiday: watching a football game and the Macy’s Parade on Thanksgiving Day. There’s no need to fight it — it’s free. It’s simply a time to indulge in fantasy, to look at pretty people, watch fun performances and laugh at crazy costumes. Kind of like Halloween, but less scary. Or sloppy.
Watch Jay-Z, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj and Adam Levine. For those who usually avoid this TV special like the plague, it’s not just a fashion show — it’s a concert, too. Think of it as a star-studded music special with really pretty people walking around. As a mainstream music fan who sits unsatisfied by Levine’s double performance at the AMAs and has yet to grab tickets to the Watch the Throne tour, consider me tuned in.
Organize a cathartic potluck. Yes, I know some people we just got finished digesting our Thanksgiving meals…and there are those leftovers in the fridge…but when I realize that the poor (metaphorically, of course) models have been working out for months, starving themselves for days and dehydrating themselves for a few too many hours, I get a little bit sad. And it’s only appropriate to watch the show while indulging in the most decadent foods that my friends and I can cook. I’m talking junk food, cupcakes and Fat Tuesday-style margaritas.
Turn it into a drinking game. Whenever a model winks at the camera, whenever a Victoria’s Secret ad airs during the commercial break. The drinking must continue the entire time that the Miranda Kerr and her $2.5 million dollar Fantasy Treasure bra are onscreen. I doubt anyone will fall on the air, but be prepared, just in case.
Think about it as a public service announcement. Unfortunately, the economy hasn’t leveled out to where it used to be just yet, and every dollar we spend is still a contribution to keeping the consumerism wheel turning. So though this TV special might make some people feel badly about themselves enough to buy something from Victoria’s Secret — or anywhere, really — it’s for the greater good of everyone. The special doesn’t even advertise certain products in particular; the name of the bras walking down the runway aren’t explicitly publicized for viewers to purchase them at their local malls. But it does get people to generally continue spending after Black Friday AND Cyber Monday, that’s all.
Get a head start on making New Year’s resolutions. Because damn, it still does make you want to work out. Eventually. I mean, 2012 is still weeks away.
Check out our FAVORITE photos from past shows. They’re WTF. They’re Ridiculous. And they’re awesome.