By college, we’ve learned that sometimes the one that we want doesn’t always want us. And at that point it doesn’t matter that you would’ve loved him for the rest of his life, or that he promised you he’d never hurt you. Because the only thing that matters when your heart begins to crack again for the first time in a long time is you.
Lesson #51: Make Yourself Your Priority
We’ve all heard the advice from our best girlfriends in times of heartbreak—“Don’t waste tears on a guy who walked away from you when they were falling down your face,” “Don’t lose sleep over a guy who isn’t losing sleep over you,” and my personal favorite, “You were so much hotter than him anyways!” Whether any of it’s true or not isn’t the point, what matters is what you turn the situation into.
Rest assured you are not stupid, you are not a masochist, and you are not an emotional/psychological cutter. You fell hard. And then you looked up from your fall and realized you were alone. That’s all. Don’t look into it and try to make it some kind of representation of your overall personality. Take this one situation to deal with and move on from. It’s hard enough getting over heartbreak without being bogged down by your entire dating history simply because you’re desperate to make some kind of psychological breakthrough about yourself that probably isn’t even true anyways. Give yourself a real chance because heartbreak is hard enough to get through without you being hard on yourself.
Some things are cliché for a reason; because they’re true. Even though it sounds cliché, your friends’ advice is more than them being polite. A guy who could watch you hurt, and walk away is no guy to continue hurting yourself for. Just like a guy who cant be bothered to call you back isn’t worth your time, it goes without saying that a guy you were bending over backwards for is never going to budge.
Now more than ever, I’m realizing that there are just going to be certain guys who will never remember your birthday, or your only sibling’s name, or that last Friday night was supposed to be “date night,” and not “sit around and watch him and his friends make Chuck Norris jokes” night. And for whatever reason, we convince ourselves, despite the obvious flaws, that there is more to this guy than all of the blatant indicators proving us so very wrong.
The good news is that there is always room for a turning point, but only if you allow yourself to get there. And the only way that’s ever going to happen, is if you reclaim your life, and make yourself the priority of it again. Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter that he said he never wanted to hurt you because the remnants of the relationship show that he did hurt you and, even worse, he didn’t stick around to make it better. So now, it’s on you to make it better on your own.
Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 50 rules of the Single Girl Society.