Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I moved in with my childhood best friend five months ago. He’s great and I love him as a friend. But he’s had feelings for me in the past and we’ve talked about it. I told him I’m not interested. He said he understands. And we’re still really close friends.
When we moved in together I was having some money problems and he offered to cover the extra costs so I could afford to move in. So he’s been paying $300 more than me every month, and I really appreciate it. The deal was that if I cook and clean, he’s happy to pay for it.
Our other friends all think it’s really weird and they are convinced I’m sleeping with him, but I’m not. Anyway in the past two months I got a promotion and now I can afford the rent but he offered to keep paying the larger amount as a favor to me. I agreed because I thought it was really nice. And now he’s started buying me little gifts and even doing the cooking.
I’m not going to lie, it’s a pretty great life. But I know he’s doing it because he has feelings for me. But at the same time, is it so wrong to keep accepting his favors, since I keep telling him I’m never going to date him and he still wants to help me out?
Sort of Conflicted
SMASH. Yes, you shoop, of COURSE it’s wrong!!! Your words say no, but your actions say yes, yes, yes!!!
You may not mean to (we’ll get to that later), but you are totally leading him on. This sweet but incredibly stupid friend of yours has deluded himself into thinking that you’ll come around because he’s courting you with all this crap. Money don’t buy love, honey. Unless you’re a ho. So…
Look. You can afford the rent now, so stop accepting his cash. Pay equal rent. That is your first and most obvious step. After that, when he brings you gifts, tell him, “Thank you so much, but you’ve been getting me things so much lately! I just can’t accept another thing.” Yes, it’s rude. But it is NECESSARY to STOP THE MADNESS.
Doesn’t it bother you that he is trying (fairly successfully, by the way!) to buy your love?!?!?!?! ARE YOU A FRIENDSTITUTE?!?!?!?! It’s so messed up of you to take advantage of someone like this. It’s even more messed up that you’re taking advantage of your childhood best friend. Do you not care about him at all?! Or do you just think you deserve more than him? Is that it?! Do you think you’re more entitled to his money than he is?!!?
Oh, and back to that, “you may not mean to.” Yeah, I think you mean to. I think you’re more than happy to take advantage of this dude. And gross of him to think you’d go for it. But also gross of you TO go for it. Gross. Gross. So 1892. Geez. Woman up.
Hearts & Skulls,