Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I love my life. I’m really happy. Everything is great. I go to a good school and I’m doing well. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love. I have great friends who I hang out with all the time. The problem is my roommate. She doesn’t like me. I don’t know why. I’ve done my best to be nice with her but she just doesn’t like me.
It started about a week after we moved in together. My best friend and I were supposed to live together in the dorm we lived in last year, but she was on the waiting list for a study abroad and she got it at the last minute over the summer. So I moved in and met my new roommate, let’s call her T, and at first we got along fine. But it seems like the more we live together the more I get on her nerves. She studies a lot so I try to be quiet, but I live here too! When I come in late at night, I’m always quiet, but she says just the door opening wakes her up. She wakes me up in the morning when she gets up really early, but I’m not complaining!
She also has a problem with my boyfriend coming over, so I try to only have him over if she’s not going to be around. But we made a deal at the beginning of the first semester that he could crash at our room one day a week if it was on the weekend. I have never had him stay over more than one day of the weekend and sometimes I just crash at his place to avoid it all together. But now she wants to change it so that he can never sleep over.
She seems to think I’m some out of control party girl, but I think I’m just a regular college student. I go out at night and I have a boyfriend but I definitely have never slept around — been with the same guy for 2 years! — and I am a good student. I’ve tried to be nice to her, and I’ve even tried to hang out with her to try to get to know her better, but she just doesn’t like me and it’s making everything really uncomfortable in my own room. What should I do?
Dear Bad Roommate,
Girl, you have been more than reasonable. This bloop needs to get a clue. You are BOTH paying to live in the dorms, right? I mean, she isn’t paying for your half, right?!?!?! RIGHT?!??!!
Now, if you were being totally unreasonable and having the BF stay over constantly against her wishes, I would have told you you were being unreasonable. BUT!!! The two of you (very maturely) made an agreement at the beginning of living together that it was okay if he stayed over as long as it was only once a week on weekends. And you say that’s what you’ve been doing. So…what’s her problem?! She can’t rewrite the rules now!!!
And this business about how the door wakes her up if you come in at night — too flooping bad!!! I’m sorry, but you both live there, and, as long as you’re being quiet when you come in, I don’t see how she has the right to tell you what time you have to be home.
I do not get this girl. I do not get her at all. Well, no, that’s not true. I GET her. I just don’t LIKE her.
Seems to me she wants to be judgmental of your lifestyle because it isn’t hers. And that is never, ever cool. I think you need to sit her down and have a talk. Explain that you’re following the rules the two of you set up, and you’d like to be as considerate of her as possible without completely changing your lifestyle. Hear her out. Hopefully she’ll be reasonable and you guys can hug it out.
But, frankly, I doubt it. She’ll probably be uptight and nasty, in which case I urge you to say: “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I hope we can be civil and get along well enough to live together. If not, maybe you’d like to switch rooms.” And that’s that.
Hearts & Skulls,