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The 5 Days No Woman Wants To Relive


Where I live, today — Groundhogs Day — means nothing. Six more weeks of winter in Florida means six weeks of complaining about how it’s supposed to be winter, but it’s 90 degrees outside instead. So the main thing I associate with today is the beloved Bill Murray movie in which Murray’s character repeats the same day again and again.

That may be fun if you’re repeating the best spring break ever or the day you skipped class to watch Dance Moms all day, but there are some days I would NEVER want to relive. You couldn’t pay me a billion million gazillion dollars to go back and live through these days again…especially the ones involving blood. Ew.

1. The Day You Got Your First Period

One day in the fifth grade, I went to pee and found blood. I wanted to believe I had scratched my vagina, because I was NOT ready for my period. My mom had talked to me about periods the year before, and I remember thinking it was too gross, so I would just never get a period. Well, I couldn’t outsmart Aunt Flow. So I trudged home and had to tell my mom, who was THRILLED and immediately drove me to CVS to buy all the pads in the world.

2. The First Time You Got Your Heart Broken

You probably somewhat relive this day in your head anytime a John Mayer song is on the radio, but at least you aren’t ACTUALLY reliving it. Nobody wants to hear those dreadful break-up or rejection words ever again. However, I know we would all love to relive the first time we made our ex-boyfriends jealous with a fabulous new hair color, a new job that will make your life better than his, or the time he saw you with your new boyfriend who happens to look JUST like Ryan Gosling.

3. The Day You REALLY messed up

Maybe you cheated on someone you really liked, or maybe you made a huge mistake at a big internship, either way, we all have those days where we f*cked up. Since you’ve already learned from your mistake, and you know not to ever do something like that again, there’s no reason we need to relive this day. Let’s just move on.

4. The Day You Lost Your Virginity

This could also be called “The day you learned sex is not like the car sex scene in Titanic.” This day was most likely filled with a lot of nerves and pain (and maybe alcohol for some people). Why would you ever want to relive this bad sex day when you are so good at sex now? No thank you.

5. That One Day You Got Black-Out Drunk, Made Out With a Thousand Guys, Danced On Tables and Puked On Your Nice Shoes. Then You Had to Walk Home Because The Taxi Gave You Motion Sickness, and You Got Hit On By That Crazy Old Homeless Man on Your Walk Home. Then Once You Got Home You Realized You Had No Carb-Filled Foods To Soak Up Your Alcohol So You Kept Puking on Your Carpet, and Now There’s a Big Stain, So You Aren’t Getting Your Security Deposit Back.

We all need one of those days so we know not to do it again, but never two or more of those days.

Jessica Zaleski is an entertainment and pop culture addict. She'll watch anything on TV and her day is made when there is a huge celeb scandal (That day when TomKat announced their divorce AND Adele announced she was pregnant was better than Jessica's birthday to her). Her favorite food is sandwiches, and cheese is a close second. She graduated from the University of Florida in 2012 and is currently living and working in New York City.