This Post Grad Life: Tasting the Humble Pie

It’s only human to have those moments (no matter how long they last) when you feel like you can’t do ANYTHING right.
Ok, my moment has been going on for over a week. I feel like I’ve been spending too much money, apologizing way too many times to people, not returning things I’ve borrowed, slipping from my usual tip-top form at work…and it’s all so exhausting. With all these mistakes, I’m feeling super guilty. And with guilt comes a constant humming in my mind that I simply can’t perform like I used to in college — back when I got 15 hours of sleep at a time and was never scolded for anything.
In this giant pity spiral (Why can’t I pay these bills? Or apologize to my friend right away for wronging her? Or bring my sister’s iPod BACK to her after borrowing it for over two weeks?) I also feel…judged. By virtually everyone. I’m left thinking that my sister sees me as irresponsible, that my best friend thinks I’m incapable of apologizing and doesn’t care about her as much as I really do, that I’m never going to make money. I basically feel like a complete pile of poo that can’t live up to anyone’s standards for who they expect me to be.
While I’m feeling like every single one of the people in my life are binding me down with their judgements, that’s really not the case at all. The only person judging me is…*drum roll please*…myself.
I understand this sounds totally corny and sometimes I beat the point like a dead horse, but I have to constantly remind myself: I am responsible for my own self. And you know what? It’s a huge bite of humble pie. It certainly doesn’t taste like cinnamon apples and whipped cream. The stress that comes with judging yourself over tiny mistakes only sabotages the true “magic” of how you see the world. What good does it really do to dwell on things so deeply if you’re left feeling suffocated and guilty?
I didn’t make it to my best friend’s birthday and I thought she would understand…and, like the little family we are, that she would still love me. I gave her a great gift and went to happy hour with her figuring I would make it to her birthday party later in the night. Complete flakiness (and well, drinking) left me short-handed. Since then, I’ve apologized with all my heart and plan on taking her to an elaborate birthday dinner. As she is my greatest friend, she’s completely forgiven me and we had an ugly cry session on the phone telling each other how much we loved one another.
So there, that’s done. I couldn’t control what had already happened, but I could control my attitude afterwards. Making reality a better place to inhabit can be a tough go. But, doing something for another person, or simply saying sorry, can help you gather perspective. Oh, and not blaming yourself for everything! That one does tastes like cinnamon covered apples and whipped cream.
[Lead image via Pavel Sazonov/Shutterstock]

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