Diary of the Undateable: Hoes and Housewives

As a student journalist, it’s important for me to keep up with the most important headlines. I glossed over this week’s political primaries and zoned in on something more groundbreaking: Snooki’s pregnancy. Will there really be a fist-bumping, hair humped bundle of joy in the next few months? And then my brain was completely fricasseed when I heard that Amber Rose, the bald biotch who broke my favorite rapper’s heart, is engaged to Wiz Khalifa. Is life real this week?
I just don’t get it. I’m really happy for them and everything and Imma let them finish, but I’m still very skeptical. I don’t think that the overhyped starlets will make good homemakers.
The late great Tupac once rapped that you “can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” We all know what the term “hoe” means in the sexual sense. But Snooki and Amber are fame hoes. They’ll do damn near anything for the public’s attention – anything to keep us talking about them. If you really think about it, Snooki and Amber are famous for the stupidest reasons. They’re known for their former boyfriends and hookups, dancing, drinking, being bald, saying stupid stuff, wearing over-the-top couture and making tons of money for it all. How are they truly contributing to society?
I’m not being a hater, I promise. I just feel bad for the “regular” women out there who don’t want the fame and fortune – just families.
There are deserving women – ones who deserve to be admired – that probably read the blog headlines and thought “why them?” There are legions of girlfriends playing the dreadful engagement waiting game. They’re hoping for a promise that may never come. And what about the wives who are actually ready to be mothers? I don’t see Snooki giving up her 15 minutes of fame to finally act like an adult. It’s hard to fistpump and hold a baby at the same time. I don’t see Amber turning down a potential modeling gig or video cameo to spend a cozy night at home with hubby, either. But hey, what do I know?
If Snooki can procreate and Amber Rose can find love in a hopeless place, then there’s hope for us all. But I know that the wholesome deserve it more – not the hoes.
CollegeCandy, can you turn a hoe into a housewife?
[Lead image via Alex Tihonovs/Shutterstock]

The Sexual Innuendo You Never Noticed in Dr. Seuss
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