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One Month Challenge: I’m Giving Up Masturbation

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Sex. I love it. So when I vowed to stop having casual sex as a part of my New Years Resolution, I took out my pent up frustration on Dr. Lovegood (my vibrator). Naturally, my masturbation frequency has skyrocketed (5-7 times a week), which I feel is perfectly reasonable… for a pubescent male. Orgasms are important to me, but when masturbation is the first thing that comes to mind when asked, “What is your favorite thing to do?” I could probably use a break. I’m going to give up masturbation for 30 days… Just to see how it feels. I know some scientists say orgasms are good for health and yadda yadda, but monks abstain from the pleasures of the flesh and seem to be productive? I CAN DO THIS. I just have to be smart about it…

Potential hurdles during the month of March:

SXSW: SURE there may be a zillion extremely attractive band guys prancing around with tans and free booze, but whatever, I’ve been to SXSW before. I can handle it.

HUNGER GAMES RELEASE: This might not turn on many people… but I’ve read the trilogy three times, longing for a Peeta Mellark of my own, and SERIOUSLY Liam Hemsworth is playing Gale?!

MY BIRTHDAY: Yeah. I’ll just… dance a lot? I could very well be miserable, or I could pull a Josh Hartnett in 40 Days and 40 Nights and be crazy productive. Whatever happened to him, anyway? I’ll definitely need to steer clear of Josh Hartnett thoughts during the next month. And thoughts of Jason Stackhouse. And that really hot bartender at that place in the east village I always go to when he just so happens to be working because seriously, his arms are like cannons and his face would look really great between my legs. Uhhh… I’ll need some help.

I’ll tell you guys every time I think of masturbating, who the culprit is, etc, but I need your assistance. What the hell can I do in times of sexual frustration? A cold shower? A quick run? A punch to the vagina?

I’m sorry, Dr. Lovegood. This isn’t a punishment… We just need some time apart.

[April is a jack of all trades in New York City. A single gal originally from Texas, she likes salsa, whiskey and funny cat videos on youtube]

COLLEGECANDY Writer