In Support of Steak and a Blowjob Day [Sorry, No Photos On This One]

I might as well come out and say it: I love Steak and a Blowjob Day. And no, not because I have a penis. I don’t. That would be awkward. It’s because I firmly believe guys deserve a day to get theirs. I hear so many girls complain about this being a misogynistic “holiday,” an affront to women everywhere, an excuse for men to be crude and selfish and ask for red meat and demand oral sex. Ugh, the injustice of it all! In response, I have to ask — what the hell is wrong with you ladies!?
Really, we get Valentine’s Day…why shouldn’t there be a day specifically set aside to indulge your best guy? Hear me out. The entire premise of my argument hinges on the assumption that you have a significant other of some variety — a hookup, a friend with benefits, someone you’re loosely dating, maybe that particular endangered species also known as a boyfriend. If you’re single, imagine that you’re not. Just to humor me. Please? Great.
So yeah, today, March 14th, is Steak and a Blowjob Day. Give thanks to your guy. All the back rubs, cuddle seshes, laughs and orgasms he’s given you…it’s time to acknowledge his efforts. One thing about guys — they’re insanely simple beings. Tell them they’re doing a good job, that you think they’re the coolest thing since sliced bread, and your compliments will get you oh-so far. I’m talking like month of existing in his good graces.
Let’s get real for a minute. You’re hot, you can be a degenerate version of Martha Stewart and jazz up a steak dinner, God knows you have the skills to bring home the blow job component of this holiday. So get down to business, girl! I see this unofficial holiday as an excuse to own your own personal awesomeness. Make your dude thankful to be with such a cool girl as yourself. Put on that apron, add a killer pair of heels and get in the damn kitchen.
Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Courtney Stodden. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.
[Lead image via Wallenrock/Shutterstock]

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