Tuffy Luv Frenemies It Up

Dear Tuffy Luv,
My best frenemy is getting married. Ok, fine. I was happy for her. The problem is she asked me to make a speech. Tuffy, this girl is not someone I can say something nice about. We have a lot of the same friends so I can’t back out of giving the speech, but we have had a lot of problems in the past.
She dated my ex boyfriend after I broke up with him even though I told her I wasn’t ok with it. She caused a lot of drama with our mutual friends in the past. I dont want to even go in to it here, but trust me this girl is not nice.
But we have a lot of the same friends. And we have been friends since the beginning of high school.
Tuffy, I honestly do not have any thing nice to say. What should I do?
Frenemy
Dear Frenemy,
Welp, I think you’re stuck making this speech. Girl obviously doesn’t consider you a frenemy or she wouldn’t have asked you to talk. So, um, there’s that. Is this chick oblivious, or is this state of freneminity on your side only?! Whatever. It doesn’t matter. The point is, you don’t care for her, but you have to pretend you do. Except, actually, like, you HAVE been pretending you do. So, um, that’s sort of phony, isn’t it?
Girls of the Internet: STOP HAVING FRENEMIES. What the floop is the point?! If you don’t like someone, don’t hang out with them!!! If they’re friends with your friends, try to be nice but, for crying out loud, don’t act like you’re their actual FRIEND!!! Haven’t you ever heard of “acquaintances?!” You can be perfectly polite and kind to someone WITHOUT making them think you want to GIVE A SPEECH AT THEIR WEDDING.
But, bygones. Okay. So. You have to give this speech, yes?
If I were you, my little Frenemy, I would talk to all your many mutual friends. Get quotes from them about things they like. And quote them in your speech. Show her how many people love her. And tie it together by saying (I HOPE truthfully) that you hope she and her betrothed have a wonderful future together. And then stay out of it.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv
Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.
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