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How Do I Know If He’s Blowing Me Off? [Ask a Dude]


[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Hey Dude,

So I met this guy around Christmas time, and we really hit it off. We hung out a lot until we both had to go home for Christmas break. The momentum kind of died, and when we both got back into town, he started emailing me a lot. I asked him why he hadn’t tried to see me, and he gave the typical busy with school and work excuse. I wrote it off as him blowing me off, but the guy hasn’t stopped emailing and facebooking me! We talk all the time and I feel that we’ve gotten pretty close. Does he really just want to be my digital friend?


The Cyber-girlfriend

Dear Cyber-girlfriend

No, he doesn’t just want to be your digital friend. Okay? Done? Enough? More? Fine! Look, they say that there aren’t any clear cut and dry situations, but yours smacks of chapped lips. Is he busy with school and work? Probably. Is he shy about getting together with you? Probably. Does he want to be more than just friends? Probably. Trust me, we don’t waste time with the cyber-foreplay unless we’d like to have a live f*cking session. Not to be too vulgar…

There are those of us who feel a little more confident with a bit of distance. It’s true. Online we can puff ourselves up without the possibility of really punking out. This guy’s stretching the limits, though. There’s no question that he’s using it as a crutch at this point and is indulging his fear of taking it to another level. Why would he be doing this?

Because when dealing with an 11th dimensional time matrix, it’s just timey-whimey spacey-wacey emotional psycho-babble crap. It’s got everything to do with him being a combination of busy and afraid his balls will burst if he gets in the same room with you. Good burst. Like taste the rainbow burst, not nuclear weapon explode. He doesn’t realize he’s the big bear with the huge claws and the teeth, but he’s not killing the bunny rabbit. He’s just batting it back and forth, because he doesn’t know how to kill the bunny! You’re dealing with PG-13 guy! The nice guy we all hope is really going to make it. He’s got to step up and be the Rated R guy. You know, the guy you’ve gotten close to, the guy that ABC’s it.

My advice is not to let him wimp out. He’s got the hots, and he’s got the means, and he’s got the power inside him, but he doesn’t know how to use it. Of course, that could be an indication that he’s scared he doesn’t know how to use something else…just saying…put up with it if you want, or tell the bear he’s acting like a little bunny and can hop away for all you give a damn.

Don’t. Do. Drugs. Become a pop star and they give you them for free!

The Dude

I'm a dude. I know dudes. And I'll share what I know with you. Just ask!