Dear Tuffy Luv,
Firstly, I can’t believe I’m graduating in a month and am meant to become a real, live, moneymaking member of society. But what I am really worried about is what to do about my current relationship situation.
I’ve been dating my current boyfriend (we’ll call him J) since September. This is my first serious relationship and it has been amazing. A few bumps in the road, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been this happy and in love (yeah, I’m one of those nauseatingly happy couples — I apologize). Problem is that J is British and he goes back home after graduation.
When we first started dating, I had the attitude that it was just for fun. When my friends would ask me where I saw it going, I would answer something like “Everything is great, but since he has to leave in May, it kind of has an expiration date.” Over the course of college, I have seen a few friends try a LDR and it has never ended well for any of them. As a result, I’ve always had the attitude that it was something just not worth trying unless the two parties involved were hoping for some serious emotional torture. Also, J is not at all my usual type, so I figured that it wouldn’t ever get to the point where I saw him as the guy I wanted to spend years and years with.
Obviously, I was wrong (as we all often are in these situations). I want to stay with him, and I know he wants to stay with me too — he has made comments about me visiting him in England after graduation. But, the pessimist that I am, I can’t help wondering if we haven’t been dating long enough to have the deep trust necessary for a VERY-long-distance relationship to work.
So, my question is… should I try this LDR thing? Or should we just go our separate ways until the logistics change–in an effort to avoid hurting each other and ruining what we could possibly have in the future? Either way, do you have any advice for how I should approach the situation? How to make an LDR work? Or how to break up with him (it kills me to even suggest this…) while making him realize it has nothing to do with how much I love him?
Wishing April Could Last Forever
Dear Wishing April Could Last Forever,
Disclaimer: This question is totally from a year ago. I had meant to answer it, but Aunt Tuffy sometimes gets overwhelmed by the volume of questions (sorry!!) and puts things aside and forgets to come back to them.
So, Wishing April, I apologize that my answer is a year late. But I’m publishing it anyway, because I think it could be useful to other girls in your situation.
So, it’s like, well, I think you should go for it.
I know. I know. I hate LDRs. I believe I has made that a-clear.
But in this case, you seem so into him. Sometimes, girl, love really is enough. And you won’t know until you try.
So, I say, what the floop!!! Throw caution to the wind and crap!!!
Look, you sound crazy about the kid. And it’s against all odds, right?! I mean, like, what’s to lose? You’re already expecting it to fall apart when he moves. If you’re really serious about this guy–which you totally seem to be–I think you owe it to yourself (and to him!) to see if it can work out.
Tips: Okay, you need a plan for this. So my advice is to have an end date. In other words, if you guys are still together in [X amount of time], then one of you will move so that you can be together. The two of you should start putting plans for the long term: whose home turf can you both find work at? Is it more important to be near his family or yours? What do you guys want for your potential future together and how can you make it happen?!?
If you can’t do that, then it wasn’t meant to be.
But if you guys can make a plan, and it’s a plan you don’t like, and you still love each other and want to be together, give it a shot!
If it doesn’t work out, hey, you saw it coming.
And if it does work out–well, you’ll have taken a chance on the love of your life and won it all.
Wishing April, I really hope it worked out for you!!! If you see this, let us know! (Post your real first name [which you signed in your email] so Aunt Tuffy knows it’s really you.)
Hearts & Skulls,
Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.
[Lead image via Jean Lee/Shutterstock]