Question? Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I was dating this guy for a 3 years who was really awful to me, and I don’t know why I stayed, but I did. He always called me horrible names like ‘b*tch’ and ‘whore’ for no reason – we fought all the time, and he accused me of being a horrible person. He wouldn’t let me hang out with my friends, and I was basically supporting him financially.
Last month he started getting a little physical. He pushed me during two different arguments. The final straw was when he put his hand on my throat during a fight. I got really scared and ended things.
For a month he called, texted and emailed nonstop. Until last week. He stopped all of a sudden, and I thought he had finally got the clue. I hadn’t heard from him in a week when he suddenly showed up at my 21st birthday party. He knew about it, because I had invited him prior to our falling out. Even though I told him not to come when I broke up with him, he showed up and it was really weird. He bought me a present–this is the first time he has bought me anything– and hung around staring at me. I was uncomfortable and ended up going home early.
Now he thinks I’m dating someone new (I’m not), and he told me in the past that he would really hurt me if I ever was with someone else. I’m scared, but I don’t want to make a huge deal about it in case I’m wrong. Also, it’s embarrassing. What should I do?
Dear Freaked Out,
CALL THE POLICE.
I am so not kidding. You SHOULD be freaked out. I’m freaked out, too. We’re all freaked out. This guy is potentially dangerous. Don’t take any chances, you hear me? There are too many tragic stories where a woman is too ashamed to report a man who ends up taking her life. You need to go to the police station and file a report. Get a restraining order if they’ll give you one. Change your locks. Change your phone. Ask the police for advice.
But please don’t wait. This guy sounds erratic, and he’s already been physical. Tell your friends what’s going on, so they can be on the lookout too. ALWAYS have someone walk you home or to your car or wherever you’re going–you don’t want to take any chances until things have been resolved.
You need to trust your gut here. He’s making you feel unsafe. That’s because this is an unsafe situation. You need to take all the help you can get. File the report and keep the police updated with everything he does that intrudes on your personal space. Do not give this guy an inch.
You only get one life. Take care of it. You were brave to end it with him. Don’t let him intimidate you–keep being the brave, strong woman you always were.
Hearts & Skulls,