An Open Letter to My Slutty Friend

Hey girl, how’s it going? Haven’t seen you in a while. I know we’ve both started the whole “we’re too old to be dancing on tables and taking body shots” thing, but I was thinking about the good ol’ days and was hoping you’d reminisce with me.
Although I could never quite match your ways, i.e. your “dresses” that I was sure were actually shirts, those occasional crotchless pants, and that see-through tube top I never wanted to borrow, it was still fun to pretend I was on your level.
And as much as I enjoyed walking slightly behind you when entering a party, because “people were more interested in seeing you first,” I can’t say I’m terribly sad about that part of my life being over. Don’t get me wrong, I always thoroughly enjoyed defending you after you felt up someone’s boyfriend. But I gotta say, not having to drag you away from yet another fight has been really great.
I know this might be kind of awkward for you, after all you never fully embraced your title as being “the slutty friend,” but I wasn’t sure how else to reach out, you know just to make sure things were going okay. I also just wanted to quickly address a few things. Call me passive aggressive if you must, but your cell phone has been shut off and you haven’t been on Facebook in weeks.
Okay, so just to quickly clear the air, I was a tad jealous of you freshman year. However, I was not in love with you, as you so kindly suggested. And although it was nice of you to then point me to LGBTA group, I wasn’t really interested in coming out of a closet I wasn’t in. But, I wanted to thank you for introducing me into some great people, even if it did take half a year to convince them I really am straight.
I get it. College was new for you. You weren’t used to having all of this freedom and were ready to let loose. But please, take it from one of your ex-friends, do not take it out on your true friends. The ones who were there for you, even when you treated them like stepping stones. I do hope you are doing well,  enjoying life after college. And, I hope the next time you go to slap the bag that you think (just for one second) about the fun times we had.

12 Most Irritating Things Girls Do [Dude's List]
12 Most Irritating Things Girls Do [Dude's List]
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