When It’s Not Cool To Play It Cool

Let me start this by saying that I am not cool. Not in the slightest. Sure, I’m generally reasonable and lucid, but I definitely haven’t mastered the ‘cool.’ I just don’t think I have it in me. A cool person keeps a level head, says the right things and reacts appropriately in any given situation. A cool person tells all the right jokes, employs strategic sarcasm and makes well timed gestures in all the right moments of every conversation. And for the cool person– it just looks so damn natural.

Well, I’m not cool. I may pretend from time to time, but in the end, the real me slips through my naturally transparent disposition to reveal a raw, reckless and inconceivably stubborn girl. Though I was raised with manners, I speak my mind too freely, too directly and with a shade too much honesty. I react instinctively. I may be quick enough to catch my tongue, but there’s no poker face on this girl. My eyes say it all, and they’ve known to involuntarily send some daggers. Oh, and did I mention that this all is made more severe by tequila?

I know there’s a fine line between flirting with kookoo and being true to yourself, but playing it cool all the time is downright exhausting. Where do you draw the line between being real and being reasonable? And why is real often perceived as being unreasonable? “You there, girl showing emotion, why are you so crazy? Why aren’t you laid back?” Can the terms crazy and laid back please walk themselves to hell? I cringe every time I hear these words misused. “You there, boy confusing laid back with indifferent, crazy with human, get a clue, bro.”

I understand that we must maintain a certain level of social propriety, but there’s no reason honesty and emotion cannot fit into that. Sure, I’m guilty of over-reacting, of letting what could be a reasonable emotional response escalate to something absolutely unnecessary; we’ve all been there. And for those times, I’m sorry. Truly. And I promise I’ll always apologize. Can we move on? There are just certain times in life when it’s not worth it to play it cool and pretend like everything is okay. And here’s my list:

And now I have a confession: (whispers) I don’t think cool people exist. I’d rather be fun. And I am, dammit. Lots and lots of fun!

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