Tuffy Luv Sez: Impotence or Insecurity?

Ask your questions now or forever hold your flooping peace. tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months, and our relationship is very strong emotionally.  However, he normally can’t stay hard after putting on a condom.  He tells me that I’m beautiful, but the insecure side of me wonders if I don’t turn him on?  He’s even said that that might be the problem since he can’t see me because of positioning.  Before we met, we both had zero sexual experience with other people.  But shouldn’t it just, you know, get up there by itself?  I feel like we’re too young to be affected by the same problems as Viagra-popping older couples, but maybe he has a medical condition? He can “self service” perfectly fine, though.  Which leads me back to my deepest, most nagging worry: maybe I don’t do it for him.  And how long can a relationship survive without good sex?
What If He’s Just Not That Into Me
Dear What If He’s Just Not That Into Me,
No, girl. It is so not you. Okay, well, it might be the TWO of you. So let’s start there.
There’s a possibility you guys just aren’t doing the things that really turn him on. Are the two of you doing the foreplays? I mean, like, you need to get warmed up–and so does he. Start by talking about fantasies. What are your fantasies? What are his? If there are any you guys can reasonably do (like, fun, safe stuff, okay?! Nothing illegal or harmful, no matter what! And pooping on each other is really an acquired taste), you should go for it. Have fun. Don’t make it a stressful situation.
Because it’s possible that he’s self-fulfilling this shoop. He might be anxious that his little problem is going to happen, and so it’s making it happen. You see what I’m saying? It could also be stress. Are you guys super busy at school and/or jobs? Maybe he’s just feeling the pressure. That is a very common reason for the trouble in the beds. So make sure he understands that you’re being supportive and that you just want to help so that you guys can have a deliciously fulfilling sex life, and that you heart him just the way he is.
You should also try switching condoms. Try another brand. Do some research. Some thinner condoms work better for some guys. All that said, I DO think he should go to a doctor. It could be a sign of a serious illness, and he has GOT to get fixed up.
I honestly do NOT think it has anything to do with you. Don’t let his problem get the best of you–and DEFINITELY don’t take it personally.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv
[lead image via Karlova Irina/Shutterstock]
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