Girls seem to think that guys get over break ups at a faster rate and with more ease than women. Is this true? Because I also know some guys that are still hung up on a break ups that happened over a year ago. If he’s in love and it’s the real deal…how long do you think he needs to get over it? When are you safely out of rebound phase?
So over him
Dear So over him,
I heart this question, so hard, like Karen Gillan singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” hard. My answer as to whether guys and girls get over a break up at different rates is: sorta, kinda, not really, but yes, although no…
That was succinct and clear, right? No? Damn! Well, here’s the trick. A lot of how fast you get over a break up depends on 2 major factors: who broke up with whom and how invested in the relationship you were.
I think people like to play off the gender stereotypes a bit when it comes to the rate of recovery. There’s the “women get more emotionally attached so they stew in it” and “guys just go out and try f*ck someone the next weekend,” and I’ve seen those theories both proven and disproven. They are expectations based on outdated data.
If you put a lot in a relationship and get dumped, you’re not going to be over it in a week. If you were in a relationship you wanted to be casual and ended it on your terms, yeah, a week might be fine.
And here’s the big thing: just because someone acts like they’re over a break up, doesn’t mean they’re over the break up. Going out the next weekend and making out with a stranger doesn’t mean he/she is passed the point of remorse or regret. It could be that he/she is avoiding dealing with it, or just that’s how he/she has decided to try coping.
The cuts on the inside take the longest to heal and each person’s healing process is unique to him/her, based on what he/she think they’re supposed to do, what they actually attempt to do, and then whether what they try actually works for them. Period. Don’t get too bogged down in the gender question just because that’s what “Glee” promotes and what you’ve seen in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (best rom-com of the 21st century btw). [Editor’s note: Yes, to best rom-com of the 21st century!]
The second to last part of your question was “how long does it take…” and the answer is always the same: However long it takes. Here’s what you need to keep in mind, and it’ll save a lot of stress: There’s no “right” amount of time for getting over a relationship. The right amount of time is however much time it takes because…that’s how long it took. If it were supposed to be another amount of time, then that’s what it would have taken.
You’ll know you’re out of the rebound phase when you can laugh without wanting cry or commit.
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]