What I Learned From This Month's GQ [August Edition]

I feel bad for the August issue of any fashion magazine. The August issue comes right before the September issue (funny how that works), and the September issue is THE issue that really matters. The September issue can really make or break a magazine’s reputation. The August issue is definitely the ugly stepsister to September’s Cinderella story. That being said, this issue of GQ really seemed like they threw all the leftovers of the summer into this edition. But even the worst issue of GQ beats some of the other magazines I read. GQ knew how to pull readers into this sub-par issue by putting Joseph Gordon-Levitt on the cover. Anyone who says that they don’t have a crush on JGL is lying. Period. Seeing JGL in a suit is enough to sell me anything. After reading the article written about him, I now know that JGL likes to be called, “Joe.” That’s cute and all but he can never be a Joe. He’s a Jordan Catalano type a la my So-Called Life, where his full name must be spoken at all times (clearly, this does not apply to me typing it out). When you’ve been gifted with moniker like JGL has, you don’t reduce yourself to an average Joe, pun intended.

Now, that I got that off of my chest, let’s move on to the rest of the issue. GQ has a style advice column, where the Style Guy answers readers questions. Most of the Style Guy’s answers to the questions are very cheeky but none more than his advice suggesting that his reader dump his girlfriend because she dresses like a hobo. Apparently, it’s not worth a man’s time to help out a style challenged woman. In fact, her lack of style may point to inner flaws. Damn, I thought I had high standards!
Speaking of standards, it seems that GQ has a pretty standard formula for picking their G Cutie of the month (you see what I did there?). This month’s cutie is some up-and-coming actress, Tracy Spiridakos, who like all the of the others before her is a secretly nerdy gamer. GQ seems to have a detector for finding beautiful ladies with a Dungeons & Dragon past. I have yet to meet this particular breed of girl in real life but I’m sure they really exist. Just like leprechauns. GQ may have had an easier time finding this rare breed of women than the real personality of Mitt Romney, at least according to their story “Desperately Seeking—.” Without getting all political, here are some of the Mitt Romney highlights:
1. “Romney prefers to eat only the tops of muffins, the logic here being that during cooking the butter and unhealthful lipids melted down into the base.”
2. “Mitt once did the moonwalk.”
3. “Have you seen old pictures of Ann [Romney’s wife]? She was the absolute stonest of foxes.”
These are actual quotes from the articles by the way. No subject or person is off limits in GQ, which is half the fun of reading the magazine. The parting shot of the issue exemplifies the spirit of mockery and this time the Olympics were the target with, “The Torch That Went Out: Olympic Sports That Failed.” Some of my personal faves were “Elderly Surfing,” “Pet Grooming,” “Cocktaling,” and “Slip’N Slide/Freestyle Slip’N Slide.” But I think GQ is onto something. We should have more Olympic sports that regular folks could excel at. My additions to the games would include, who can get the most likes on Facebook, who can get the most followers on Twitter, spelling and pole dancing. [Sidebar: on Chelsea Lately, I heard that pole dancing really might be added to the next games.] I think that GQ would support pole dancing in the Olympics seeing that this issue contained an ad for a burlesque club. I didn’t think that burlesque clubs really existed outside of the one Chuck Bass made on Gossip Girl but they are real things. The tagline of the ad, “Some Artists Use a Brush, Others Use A Brass Pole,” really drove home the point that it could be an Olympic sport.
I’ll leave you with that to contemplate.

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