On Getting Kinky and Boycrazy [Dear DBN]

There are a lot of things you’re going to have to worry about in this lifetime: What’s that lump? What’s that noise? Whose panties are these? Etc.  But there are some things better worth enjoying, like sex and crushes.  This week, why to ease off the self-pressure to alter your behavior on either.
I’ve been with this guy for one year and everything is great including the sex. But recently a friend mentioned the need to include kinky stuff in my sex life. Now I’m not the biggest fan of the kinky stuff. My boyfriend and I try other stuff to spice up our sex life, but she insists that I go for kinky. She says to have a full sex life I must do it. I need your opinion.
Do you have a system in your car?  Does it have heated seats?  Dual exhaust?  A sweet spoiler?  A DVD player?  A GPS system that comforts you when you’re down?  Look, all of that shit might make a car cooler, but if you already love the way your car drives, then why waste the money?  It might be fun to incorporate some stuff – but you also might find out that while heated seats are nice, they’re sort of useless if you’re already living in Florida.  You follow?
Kinky sex and vanilla sex are both awesome if you’ve found yourself a good lover.  Don’t let someone back-seat drive your sex life unless you’re the one asking for directions.

As intelligent and reasonable a lady I might be, I just can’t seem to get over getting boycrazy when I get a little crush. I’m not about denying my feelings, but how do you channel all that energy into something, say, a little more productive? (ie: I’ve been trying to focus on bettering myself, as a individual, but I feel like my motives turn into guy related junk.)

Motives.  That’s some tricky business.  Did I channel Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct today because I wanted to impress someone or because I wanted to terrify someone else?  Does it matter if I looked bangin’ either way?  What I’m saying is that don’t beat yourself up over motives if they’re producing good results.  If liking some dude gets you to work out three times a week, then keep on with your svelte self.  If having a crush on your professor gets you to listen in class, all the better!  Ideally, you’d end up doing these things just for yourself, but that can take time.
I personally love feeling boycrazy because, to some degree, it makes me invincible.  I dress better, I walk faster, even my hair is like, “Is that a constant breeze I feel?”  Are my motives fishy?  Yes.  But I doubt my boss cares what my motives are so long as I’m kicking ass and taking names.  So just do exactly what you’re already doing – bettering yourself as an individual.  Maybe it’s for the wrong reasons right now, but if you keep it up, and you keep being so self-aware, then eventually it’ll be all for you.
CollegeCandy is excited to announce that we’ve partnered up with one of our favorite Tumblrs, DateByNumbers, to bring you some of her very best advice. Each week she’ll tackle your questions. Life, love, sex, the real world…nothing will be off limits. To submit a question of your own, visit her “Ask” page and keep an eye on CollegeCandy every Thursday afternoon!

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