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No More Excuses! [Diary of the Undateable]


Excuses are tools of the incompetent. They build bridges to nowhere and monuments of nothingness. Those who specialize in them seldom amount to anything.

I’ve heard this poem thousands of times. Before I try to come up with a white lie to cover my tracks or scramble for a lame reason about why I didn’t get something done, those sentences echo in my head. I try my hardest not to make excuses when it comes to classes or when I’m at work…but why is it so easy for me and my friends to make them when it comes to guys?

My friend Tranessa has been talking to this guy named Derek for a whole year. He’s pretty legit – graduated from Clark Atlanta, has a full-time job, has his own car, attractive. But their relationship has never progressed past a phone call every few weeks and a couple of sleepovers. She wants more…and she undoubtedly deserves it. But when I ask her why she won’t move on, she pulls out her toolbox of incompetencies:

“He graduated a few years ago, and he’s trying to get his life together.”

“He has crazy hours at work, and I don’t want to distract him.”

“He lives really far away, and gas is too expensive.”

“I only chill with him when he hits me up first.”

It’s like everything he does wrong, she has a justifiable reason that makes the wrongdoing okay. She says that she’ll leave him alone but she always comes up with explanations on why she won’t. And I can’t even get mad, because I do the same thing. When I don’t hear from a guy, my brain automatically defaults to these elaborate scenarios about why he isn’t calling or what he could be doing – his phone broke, he didn’t pay the bill, his contact list got swiped…the list of dumb defenses goes on and on.

I guess that they ease the sting of dealing with waning interest. Even though it’s the lamest copout in the world, I think that it’s much more easier to make up an elaborate excuse than to deal with reality. It makes me wonder if they’re doing it on the other side. “Not really,” a guy friend confidently confided. “We just act like that sometimes,” he told me. “But when a girl tells a guy that she likes him, it makes it easier for us. We put less effort into the relationship, because we already have it in the bag.”

So while my friends and I are building our bridges and drafting our monuments, the guys that we like aren’t lifting a finger. Not. Fair. The truth hurts sometimes. Always has, probably always will. I just hope that me and Tranessa and all of the other construction workers in the dating world will stop with the defenses and learn how to keep it moving.

CollegeCandy, do you find yourself doling out excuses?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[lead image via Edw/]

    When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.