So over orientation last week, I met this super cutey and since we’re both new to the school and the city and everything we kind of made it a point to hang out a lot. Things were great and it seemed like everything was going really good. I mean, I was definitely starting to crush on him and he seemed to be…responding. Then classes started, and ever since we’ve barely hung out and when we pass each other he’s just really like “Hi” and then keeps walking. What happened? Did I do something wrong?
Dear Incoming confused,
Ah, first encounters. Orientation flirtation’s unbelievably common and — some can argue — expected. New people, new place, perfectly natural and encouraged to kind of latch onto some folks as the first building blocks of your social life at college. But it’s a bit odd with orientation friends, once you hit the dorm circuit and your classmate cycle, you tend to lose touch with the first weekers. A lot of time I think it comes from a matter of convenience and of just finding other people with greater common interests besides not wanting to feel like you’re stranded on Skaro for a week by yourself (welcome back Doctor Who!). So my guess is you didn’t do anything wrong, you both just got orientated.
If you want to blame something, blame the system. College is a microcosm for fantastic sociological studies for different theories and hierarchies. Each school creates a different method based on structure, environment, demographics, population, and all those other variables you’ll be delving into in your humanities classes. You and this guy are just part of the process. So take this as a sign that you’re right on track to establishing yourself socially beyond the first few people you meet.
Don’t be confused, but it’s okay to be frustrated. Did he reject you? Sort of. Some people don’t go out of their way to avoid their orientation safety buddies, they just get busy and overwhelmed. Prioritizing can result in prickish behavior. Getting your feet under you sometimes involves breaking a few eggs as you bake your soufflé, and unfortunately, you may be counted as one of those egg casualties. Sucks, but I promise you this is not the end of the world. It’s merely the beginning!
My advice is to not let this guy set the precedent for how you approach guys. Just take it for what it is, a growing pain. There’s nothing to stress about, in fact use it as a springboard into branching out with people you meet in class, around the dorm, the cafeteria, etc. You’ve got lots of outlets if you want to explore them where you’ll meet lots more people.
You’ll never forget your first orientation crush, like you’ll never forget your first Doctor. But they come and go, part of the natural order of things, and while we hold a special place in our conscious for them, don’t let them keep you from enjoying opening yourself up to your second, or the eleventh.
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]