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Setting Some Standards [Diary of the Undateable]


My friend Bernard is my go-to guy for guy drama. Our mutual friend tried to hook us up once upon a time, but we ended up as better friends than boos. And it’s worked perfectly so far. Bernard knows all there is to know about life and love, and he always keeps it real. But things got a little too real when he asked me — straight up, point blank, period — what I expect from a guy.

Yeah, I’m still talking to Carlos. I shouldn’t, but I am. And not so surprisingly, he’s still treating me like crap. But I’m taking it. And even though I shouldn’t complain, I do.

Why can’t he treat me right? Why can’t I find a guy that appreciates me for who I am? Why do I always have to act like the bad girl that they want when I’m the good girl that I know I am?

That’s when Bernard countered my questions with something that was so simple but so thought provoking. “What are your standards, Khalea?”

I drew a blank. Of course I have traits that I prefer in guys, but do I really have criteria that I think they should meet? (The answer’s no, btw.)

Later on that week, my friend Tasia called them The Five Non-Negotiables; five qualities that have to be in a prospect. Some of our friends’ FNN are on the shallow side. He has to have an MBA, he has to make six digits by the age of 30…but for the most part, the FNN are realistic and completely necessary.

Why shouldn’t I require a guy to treat me well instead of expecting the worst after a few weeks? And why shouldn’t I want to hear from a guy everyday instead of getting excited about three texts a week? I’m not asking for VVS stones or Céline bags or anything extreme – just to be treated well.

Bernard told me that if I don’t expect the best, then I’m not going to receive it. Maybe setting a few well-placed and reasonable standards won’t hurt at all. If a guy can’t see that I value myself, then it’ll be hard for him to value me.

CollegeCandy ladies, what are your standards?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via Jason Stitt/Shutterstock]

    When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.