Tuffy Luv Sez: One Little Lie Gets Big

Ask Tuffy Luv at tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com
Dear Tuffy Luv,
When I first got together with my girlfriend, I told her I’d only slept with one other girl and one guy. When we first got together, I thought it would just be a short-term thing, because we’re in college and that’s what you do. Well it turns out she and I really love each other. We’ve been together for over a year now, and everything’s been going great. We’re graduating soon, and we’re talking about moving in together.
The problem is that I lied to her in the beginning. It’s true I’d only slept with one other girl before her, but I had slept with five guys. At the time I knew she felt weird about lesbians who have slept with men (she’s only been with girls). I don’t want to enter into moving together while I feel like I’m lying to her. I love her so much and want to start our happily ever after, but I feel so guilty. Is it too late to tell her the truth?
Guilty Girlfriend
Dear Guilty Girlfriend,
It’s uh…yeah, it’s a little late. Because sexual history is one of those things. It’s not really all that relevant, honestly, but it’s so intimate that lying about it can really hurt the other person. And ANY lie spread out over the course of time just gets bigger and bigger.
But I get why you did it. I mean, you shouldn’t have, but I get why you did. You thought, “Oh, here’s a casual little thing, and she’s just going to be weird about it, but it’s my history, so let’s just flub it.” This, kids, is why we don’t lie.
But that’s done. And it wouldn’t have been a big deal except that now you’re in love. So…floop. Now you have to make a decision. I’m really torn on this. On the one hand, I believe in total truth-telling at all times, ESPECIALLY to the person you love. But on the other hand, this really has no consequence. It’s just going to hurt her feelings. And the only thing it will really do is ease your conscience.
However, I just can’t see taking this major relationship step without coming clean.
So I guess Aunt Tuffy’s advice is this: Sit her down and tell her. Explain that you never came clean, because you love her so much and were worried that you’d already let it go too long, and it would hurt her feelings. Acknowledge that this is a total shoop reason but that you honestly meant well. Let her yell. Let her cry. And then apologize, give her a present and make her feel more special than she’s ever felt in her life.
And never, ever, ever tell a lie again.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv
[lead image via bogdan ionescu/shutterstock.com]

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