The Top 10 Things I'm Learning from Dating an Asshole [Diary of the Undateable]

I think that I finally ended it. I said goodbye to Carlos for the umpteenth time a few weeks ago. Over a sporadic text message convo, he told me that he doesn’t talk to me as much as he used to because he’s scared that I’ll fall in love with him. Keep in mind that this was about a week after I laid everything on the table and confessed how I felt about him – crazy in like. Granted my confession was fueled by a Skinnygirl Margarita mini bottle, but still. He knew that everything I said came from the heart, and he stomped on it with the sole of his Nike.
I felt fast and fell blindly. But you know what? I’m not too sad about it, because there’s a lesson in everything.
Oh, I miss him. A lot. Whenever I did hear from him, we really clicked – hours would go by and we wouldn’t even notice it. I really do believe that we had spark, but the light flickered out.

But as my friends told me, dudes like him – namely, assholes – come a dime a dozen. I’m only 21, so I’m sure I’ll date a few of them in the future. But here’s what I’ve learned from this one:
1) He knows that he’s an asshole.
He’s fully aware of the fact that he’s treating you like dirt. He knows that you know that he knows. And he’ll continue to do it if you let him.
2) The hookups are hot.
…and probably the reason that you keep on coming back.
3) Excitement is expected
Assholes always keep you on your toes with their games. Will he call me? How long will we talk? How does he really feel? When will he change?
4) …but inconsistency is eminent
With that excitement comes an equal amount of downtime. You don’t always hear from your asshole. He’s a rolling stone. And since he knows he has you at his fingertips, the effort that he makes won’t always be the same, either.
5) He’s emotionally void
Remember that episode of SATC when Big had open heart surgery? Carrie nursed him back to health and he finally saw what a great girl she was. And then when he woke up, he was back to his old selfish ways. Yeah, that’s basically your asshole. He can act and say whatever he wants, but can detach his feelings from his statements at the same damn time.
6) Other guys call him an asshole too
I guess it takes one to know one. If your guy friends or non-bitter ex boyfriends recognize game and call your current asshole out on it, you better listen. Guys know more about other guys than we do…so if something’s wrong and your male friends can spot it, get ta steppin’!
7) Exclusivity? Forget about it.
Your asshole is not your boyfriend. Your asshole is not your boo. And lowkey, your asshole isn’t even your friend. Don’t you. Ever. Get too. Comfortable
8) Because there are others.
If he’s treating you like shit, he’s probably sharing the love too.
9) And there are more where he came from
Don’t fret if you’re missing your EA. There will be other men that treat you poorly. And you might learn how to treat people poorly because of him. Remember how he hurt you before you hurt someone else, though.
10) …but they always come back.
I got a call from Carlos while I was writing this…after solemnly swearing that I’d never talk to him again unless he hits me up first. I guess assholes have the innate ability to realize when they’re dealing with a do right woman. At the end of the day, it’s up to us whether we want to play the game, too.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.
[lead image via Sergey Peterman/]

Sex With a Fake Hymen [WTF Friday]
Sex With a Fake Hymen [WTF Friday]
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