Tuffy Luv Sez: Your Best Friend Ain't A Best Friend

You, too, may ask Tuffy Luv at tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com .

Dear Tuffy Luv,
So I know you are an expert on love, but this is a friendship-kind-of-love dilemma. So a little background. Last year I had a very crazy, very mean roommate who harassed me and abused me until I told her I was moving out, at which point she publicly threatened to kill me. She continued to harass me and try to get to me, and is part of the reason I moved off campus. This caused me to get very close to one of my other friends, who witnessed the whole threatening ordeal. He was supportive of me trying to get away from her, and complained about her, but did back out of testifying against her in “college court.”
Flash forward to this year. The crazy ex-roommate still makes fun of me over the internet all the time, and has started trying to befriend my friends. Most of my friends are having none of it, and telling me she’s asking about me and where I live now and everything.
Except my best friend, the aforementioned one. He’s pretty into it. He has a documented attraction to crazy. I told him how much he hurts me when he hangs out with her and lets her talk to him about me. It also sucks because I want to feel safe with all my friends, and it’s becoming precarious. The problem is two things, though. There’s not a lot of other ways I can tell him this isn’t cool. Especially because he’s very inside himself and very different from me (he’s likely to fail out this semester), but also partly because we’re sort of the ring leaders of our friends.
How do I tell him how upset this makes me without alienating him the last semester I have with him and pissing off all of our friends? It’s okay I’m freaking out, right? My best friend befriending my crazy ex-roommate sounds a lot like an unrealistic plot twist.

Friend’s getting too friendly
Dear Friend’s getting too friendly,
WTFloop is wrong with these people?! Your crazy ex-roommie sounds like a total psycho. Good job getting away from her. I seriously applaud you. That sounds like a scary and horrible situation, and I’m glad you’re out of it. I’m also glad most of your friends are supportive and aren’t falling for her crap. Why is she still even thinking about you?! You’re effectively out of each other’s lives. And her having threatened to kill you is beyond scary and bizarre.
Side Note: You should NEVER take threats as a joke, kids. You never know when someone means it. They usually don’t, but, please, don’t take that chance.
Back to you, Fgtf. I hate to tell you this, but your “best friend” is not a friend at all. Someone who supports you through a horrible situation and knows the ins and outs of how it hurts you should also know how much it will hurt you if they then turn around and become friends with the ashhole who did it to you in the first place. Dude KNOWS what you went through. He’s said he agrees with you. So what kind of hypocritical bullshoop is he trying to pull?!
He can’t be trusted. Sorry. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but this is a guy who wants drama. He wants to be on both sides of it. And if that means hurting his “best friend” and possibly even relaying info to someone who LITERALLY THREATENED HER LIFE, he’s okay with that. My vote is, keep being friendly with him, but stop considering him your best friend. Do NOT tell him ANY secrets or anything you’d be worried about Psychobag finding out. And mourn a friendship that was maybe more one-sided than you knew.
I would advise you against confronting him, however. It seems like he’s allied himself with someone really crazy, which makes me think he’s secretly (not so secretly?) really crazy. Just be nice, but don’t be fake. Let the friendship fizzle out on its own. I doubt he’ll make a move to strengthen it–he clearly doesn’t care about your feelings. It sounds like you have other good friends who have rallied around you. There are lots of friends in the sea, no? Don’t poop the pool with this craphead.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv
[lead image via mast3r/Shutterstock.com]

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