Dear Tuffy Luv,
My ex-girlfriend and I were dating for over two years. She recently called it quits two weeks ago because she could not handle all the fighting that we were doing. However she initially said “we need space” and without arguing against it, I agreed. Five days after the break up I started to feel better about myself, in a sense recovering and feeling happier than I’ve ever been. I was still sad internally about the whole break up because we had so much love for one another.
Recently she and I have been seeing each other frequently again. We’ve come to enjoy one another’s company without the fighting and bickering that was involved when we were together. With alcohol playing a major role, we have been sleeping with each other. I still find her attractive and she feels the same, we still love each other and we’ve already discussed how we do not expect anything more from one another at this moment. Another thing is, I don’t want a relationship for awhile, at least not until I feel that I am fully ready because the break up did allow me to open my eyes to enjoy being alone and to learn new and old things about who I am.
Because I enjoy being single right now, but I am starting to see that she is starting to feel uneasy if I drift away from her, into the arms of another.
My question is, should this continue to go on?
-Finally Single and Loving it.
Dear Finally Single and Loving it,
I think your sign-off says it all. Look, usually people break up for a reason. In this case, it sounds like the fighting and shoop was starting to take a toll on your self-esteem. I’m guessing she was feeling the same way.
But it’s very hard to let go of someone, especially if you still have feelings for them. When you’ve been with someone for a while, you start to get used to a certain pattern of living. When you break up, you don’t only lose the person, you also lose the pattern. And that’s hard for our poor little human brains.
But it sounds like you’re happier without her. And sometimes the people we love aren’t the people who are good for us. So…
Aunt Tuffy is gonna have to say stay single.
Look, alcohol is letting you forget why you’re better off apart. You two are used to being together. You’re both scared of losing the stuff that was good about your relationship and not finding it again. Everyone’s always worried that they’re breaking up with the love of their life, but, honestly, if they were the love of your life, you probably wouldn’t be breaking up.
Love is guts. Love is feelings and courage. And you know instinctively when it is and isn’t right. This break-up process, it’s gonna be hard. And it sounds like she’s the one who wants to be back together, so that’s definitely going to make it harder. But it sounds like you already know how you feel. Now it’s up to you to act on it.
Stay friends. Stop hooking up. And go meet a new girl you can be happy with.
Hearts & Skulls,
Need advice? Ask Tuffy Luv at tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com
[Lead image via Goodluz/Shutterstock]
Dear Tuffy Luv,