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DIY Dating [Diary of the Undateable]


The tale is old as time. A girl – presumably smart, attractive, well-mannered, kind and generally clean-cut – meets a boy. He’s rough around the edges but still totally hot. Like Danny before his makeover in Grease.

They come from different worlds and have little to no things in common. Outsiders give their relationship less than three months, tops.  However, he sees the light that radiates within her (feel free to gag now, guys). He sees how beautiful and innocent and brilliant she is. She makes him better. He wants to be a better man so he can have her all to himself. He sheds his bad boy cocoon and turns into the man of all men. And they live happily ever after.

I’ve heard and seen variations of this story forevs. And up until recently, I really believed that women had the innate ability to change an unsuitable man. I can’t and won’t speak for everyone, but it’s definitely a problem that persists within my circle. We’re frequently dabbling in DIY dating.

We accept dates that we know we shouldn’t with hopes that the next one will be better, thinking that a little bit of our Ms. Goody Two Shoes glitter will rub off on him. We revel in attention from dudes that practically scream “don’t mess with me, I ain’t shit” with every verbal and nonverbal action. We continue to mess with assholes that we should’ve left alone in…hmm, say…July. But instead of following our instincts, we keep carrying on with hopes that our influence will magically change good into bad.

One of my closest friends from back in the day dated this guy that worshipped the ground that she walked on. She never came out and said it, but she definitely thought that she was out of his league. She’d always complain about his unkept hair and rundown sneakers and kept on hoping that he’d catch the hints that she’d drop. He never did. She ended up breaking up with him – a complete waste of time IMO. And granted, her reasons for leaving him were kind of shallow, but still. She wanted to make things work and mold him into someone that he wasn’t.

Playing amorous arts and crafts just never works. Ever. It’s like we rip out these ideas out of magazines or find inspiration from something that we see in a movie or hear from friends. We pin a little bit of this and a little bit of that o to our potential boo boards only to end up disappointed. Mama Undateable told me something a long time ago that sticks with me to this day.

“You have to accept people for who they are,” she said. “And you can’t get mad when they don’t turn out who you want them to be.”

A DIY date is as tempting as it is daunting. But if I know that a guy isn’t for me, then he isn’t for me. The end. No more fairy tales or projects.

CollegeCandy, are you guys like my friends? Do you dabble in DIY dating too?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

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    When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea, a recent Howard University graduate, moonlights as a magazine intern and a freelancer in New York City. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.