What A Dude Really Cares About When Having Sex


I wasn’t given this assignment. I demanded it. Because when it comes down to having sex, you all know what you like, but what’s important is to know what your partner likes/needs/craves. It usually takes two, in some cases three, and we all know you can get the job done satisfactorily by yourself — but this isn’t about masturbation. It’s about connection.

What I really care about when it comes down to having sex is that I want to do some of the work, not all of the work, and I want to feel as wanted as much as I want the other person. Passion. Reciprocated passion. As much consideration as I’m giving to her I want from her. That’s all. Not being greedy. Not to get more than I’m giving. I want to get out as much as I put in.

Passion. I want to have sex with someone who makes me feel like she wants to have sex with me, too. Eye contact. Enthusiasm. Other E words associated with eroticism. I want all those because, I hope, I’m going to provide her with all of those. Equal opportunity f*cking that’s what I’m talking about here, people. Equality under the sheets. In the shower. The elevator. The confessional…you don’t know what I believe-back off!

I’m a bit self-deprecating. This comes from being shy and empty of self-esteem during my formative years. One of the benefits of this is that I’m a pleaser in the sack. I am a PLEASER. I take great pride in it, actually. I want to know she’s enjoying herself. I want her to c*m. Hard. Often. I want her to beg me to stop making her c*m. That’s what I want when it comes down to sex. I want her to be pushed to the breaking point of pleasure. Because when she’s turned on, I’m turned on. This is the way my neuroses has molded me. I’m into it when she’s into it and I will work as hard as it takes to get her into it.

In return, I want her to go to town on me. I want to know she’s enjoying herself. I want the dirty talking. I want the moaning. Screaming. I made a woman meow once. I didn’t just steal that line from When Harry Met Sally, I actually made a woman meow once. And that meow…wow. Because we want to know what more we can do. We want to know, need it communicated to us, that you’re as into the grind as we are. Let us know. Make believers out of us and we’ll repay it with the fervor of our faith.

Does that sound complicated? No? It’s not. Don’t over-think. Just be in the moment. Be there with us when we’re there with you. Like I said, it’s all about connection.

Cursing Missed Connections,

The Dude

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