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IDGAF About David Petraeus, You Shouldn’t Either


CIA Director David Petraeus got caught putting his dip stick where it shouldn’t have been and now we are watching his life fall to shambles with pizza bagels and Pumpkin Spice Lattes in hand. God, we’re a nation of douche bags sometimes. I feel as though – and maybe it’s not our fault because the media articulates and sensationalizes real life the same way it does fiction – we watch reality the same way we do Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Real life is not a Lifetime movie, real people are not tropes or flawed characters that exist to be criticized or teach us simple lessons on life. In fact, real people’s lives are none of our business. David Petraeus is a real person. Not a “real person” like Kim Kardashian who would revel in having an infidelity scandal played out for the public because it is her job to have a public life. It is literally how she pays the bills.  I urge you to ask yourself: WTF does an extramarital affair have to do with someone’s ability to lead? When the President appoints you to a role, I’d imagine you are qualified to do it.

Petraeus is a decorated and award-winning (literally hundreds of notable accomplishments) servant of the government. In 2007 he was one of Time magazines 100 Most Influential Leaders and Revolutionaries and one of the four runners up for Person of The Year and has won too many distinguished service awards to name. Up until a few days ago David Petraeus was hot shit and a force to be reckoned with. Over the summer he had an affair. Maybe it was the first time he cheated on his wife, maybe it was the 100th. IDGAF. Do I think it’s OK to betray a spouse or partner? Nope. Does that at all reflect on someone’s ability to do their job? Nope. He may not even be a fun person to hang out with. Maybe he hates ice cream, kitty cats, and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Does that mean he is a terrible CIA Director? Nope.

I’ve worked with plenty of douche bags in my life. I’ve had plenty of poo pants teachers. I’ve hung around plenty of ass-butts. Enough of them have been excellent at what they do for me to be able to separate their personal lives from their chosen labour. For example: Courtney Love is atrocious. Live Through This is an excellent album. Condoleezza Rice, don’t understand her, don’t agree with her politics – she is still great at what she does. Roald Dahl, Ernest Hemming Way, F. Scott Fitzgerald were amazing writers and generally shitty people. 

Tiger Woods was a hobag if I have ever seen one. Son can golf the shit out of . . . golf.

Before Osama Bin Laden was killed he and his camp had been targeting Barack Obama and David Petraeus. The logic being, well obviously, Barack is the President but Petraeus’ role in the war was so integral that killing him would compromise and alter the course of the war. That’s how important he was. Imagine being an intern and your boss finds out you cheated on your boyfriend – then fires you. It isn’t an employer’s role to be involved in someone’s personal life. If his wife wanted to divorce him, if his friends wanted to snub him, if his mother-in-law was passive aggressive to him when they ran into each other at Starbucks, that would be totally understandable. A resignation just doesn’t seem logical.

David Petraeus played a pivotal role in national security, which according to the hit television series Homeland is not an easy job. So let’s fire him for sticking his wang where it doesn’t belong. Now, let’s watch, point our fingers and eat Hot Cheetohs with our moral compasses and behave as if most people haven’t cheated or been cheated on. People cheat, they do bad things in their personal lives sometimes because that is the nature of being a human. (Y’all need to watch Six Feet Under or something.)

The fact that this is a juicy piece of gossip does not justify publicizing and ruining the lives of this man’s family and friends because it’s totally like, “OMGOMGOMG!” That’s the thing: in your small circle of friends gossip is probably trivial and insignificant. In the media it destroys people.
[Image Via. Daily News]

Emerald is an editor at CollegeCandy, lover of coffee, and pretend francophile. After studying writing and popular culture at NYU she decided to be a grownup and get a job. Tweet at ya’ girl @EmeraldGritty.

Emerald is an editor at CollegeCandy, lover of coffee, and pretend francophile. After studying writing and popular culture at NYU she decided to be a grownup and get a job. Tweet at ya' girl @EmeraldGritty.