Dear Tuffy Luv,
My friend and I have been friends for about five months, and right from the beginning it was kind of obvious that we were into each other. But after a couple months of regular talking and hanging out, nothing really happened past cuddling and it seemed his interest in me shrank to a normal friendship. Then one night, when we both had a few drinks, we ended up making out and messing around and I thought maybe he was into me again. We haven’t slept together yet, but have gotten to the point where we might as well have. And when I stay over, we sleep in the same bed and end up cuddled together throughout the night and morning.
Sometimes it seems like we may be “talking” and others it seems like he just wants a friendship, and I’m honestly fine with either. I want to know where we’re at so that I don’t get unrealistic expectations, but I don’t want to bring it up and potentially screw up a good friendship. Neither one of us likes confrontation, and I don’t want him to feel awkward or forced to make a decision, but I would like to know if I should get over him or try and pursue some kind of relationship.
How can I bring up my concerns without endangering our friendship?
What’s going on??
Dear What’s going on??,
Well…um…you either like him or you don’t. You seem so wishy washy about the whole thing. You say you’re okay with either being friends or dating (or “talking,” as you kids call it these days). You’re okay sleeping in his bed — but you’re okay with NOT sleeping in his bed. You’re happy to make out, and you haven’t had sex but you “might as well have.”
Girl, make up your damn mind.
Honestly, I could GIVE a floop about what he wants right now, because you’re so crazily unclear about what it is YOU want. Honestly, if you don’t care either way, and you’re not sure if he does or not, I vote: just stay friends.
Because if he IS interested, and you’re seriously this blasė about it, then he’s only going to get hurt. You’d be leading him on, which, I mean, you’re already making out and messing around and shoop, so — yeah, taking that into consideration, having this conversation and committing to a relationship when you’re just vaguely intrigued is totally misleading and not that nice.
IF, however, you’re playing down your interest in this email because you don’t want to look a fool — meaning, if you’re actually very interested but still want to sound cool — then go for it. Ask him out on a real date.
GASP. I SAID REAL DATE.
Is that really so hard?! You don’t even have to have that full, intense conversation about what are we waahhhhhhh let’s tawk. Just invite him out to a nice dinner. It’s like so easy I could vom.
But again, that’s only if you actually want to date him. If you honestly couldn’t care less either way, either stop making out with him or just continue on the way things are and assume you’re make out buddies only.
Hearts & Skulls,
Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com