My boyfriend is super sweet and we’ve been together for over a year now and I feel really bad even thinking this, but he has gotten kind of boring in bed. I wonder if he is less attracted to me or if I’m just bored of his usual moves. The male ego is a fragile thing and I’m scared that if I even bring it up he’ll feel embarrassed or just straight up pissed. Should I even bother telling him that I want more in the sack? What’s the best way to do this without completely offending him?
Bored in Bed
Dear Bored in Bed,
O.M.G! Yes, yes, and yes again. Let’s face it, we’re creatures that tend to like some variety as time goes on. We owe it to ourselves and our partners to keep learning a trick, technique, or investing in some treatments via the vibrational variety to spice things up. There’s no shame in getting a bit bored in bed with the same old routine. Humans are not static creatures. Our tastes change. We grow. We evolve. And once satiated for a time, we become hungry for something new.
There are times when you get in the comfort zone of a relationship where you don’t feel like you have to put in as much effort. Sometimes it’s due to exhaustion and sometimes it’s unconscious. I HIGHLY doubt it’s because he’s lost interest in you. I would be surprised if it’s because he finds you less attractive. I think you need to consider one possibility though: he’s complacent because you BOTH might be a bit stuck in a sexual routine. So, unstuck yourselves!
I hear your concern about bringing it up. And yes, I would caution offending and softening the male…ego. We can be a tad sensitive when it comes to bedroom prowess. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying it is the way it is. I would actually suggest you becoming more active as a first tactic. Suggest some role play, switch up locations, add some porn to the mix, make a change and see if the change inspires him. Sometimes, guys need a hint, sometimes they need a jumpstart. If you start adding moves to your repertoire it might encourage him to do the same.
Also, tell the man what you want! Communicate during. Try a new position. If you find him wandering into familiar territory tell him to go left instead of right and see how he reacts. Remember, he wants to get you off (if he’s not a total douche) and he wants to get off, too. Showing and encouraging new ways of doing so is AWESOME. And this kind of sexual growth as a couple makes for a stronger bond. And I’m not just talking about a sex swing.
Don’t think of it as asking more of him but of doing some experimenting TOGETHER. That’d be how I’d approach it. Otherwise, well, yeah he might freak out and begin to feel inadequate which could result in an angered or depressive response. So let’s avoid that!
It takes two. So become active in spicing things up with him.
Toys in Babeland bound,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]