True Story: I Struggle With a Weight Obsession

Honestly, that last time I would consider myself skinny would be at the age of 12. Puberty hit me hard, leaving me with big hips, big boobs and flabby thighs. Within a few months I changed from a bony, kind of lanky girl to a stocky, curvaceous woman. It freaked me out. It still freaks me out.
I know I’m not ‘fat’ in comparative terms. I know that if my friend (who is the same clothes size as me) called herself fat, I’d tell her to stop being so stupid. But knowing things doesn’t stop people from feeling things. I feel overweight, I feel chubby. I hate that I have to do that awkward ‘pushed away from the body’ pose with my arm to make it look thinner. I hate that just when I start to feel okay with my legs I see 10 girls walking around of thin, perfectly toned thighs and have an inner meltdown.
I am obsessed with my weight. I guess admitting it is the first step. I compare my body to every single girl I see, and I always come up short. I could spend hours looking in the mirror thinking about exactly which parts I would love to magically slim down. I have random bursts of ‘yes! I’m going to workout every day!’, which usually last for a few weeks before slowly petering out. I read every article about body image/losing weight/curvaceous role models I see.  I don’t like my body, and for something I dislike so much, I spend an awful lot of time thinking about it. 
Honestly, I don’t think obsession is something I’ll ever completely get over. There will always be someone with a better body than me, and I just can’t ignore that. I guess the solution is to convert jealousy and feelings of inadequacy into more productive things, like making healthier choices every day. After all, spending hours obsessing over my weight doesn’t help anyone, including myself. It’s a complete waste of time that could definitely be better spent on having fun or working hard.
I realize that this weight obsession is just a really bad habit I’ve let myself get in to, so I’ve started setting myself challenges, like balancing out every negative thought I have about my appearance with a positive one, like ‘Hey, my hair actually looks really nice today.’ Getting rid of this obsession is going to be a struggle, but it’ll be completely worth it on the day when all the negative thoughts have disappeared.
[Lead Image via MSN]

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