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On Taking a Beat Before Defining the Relationship [Dear DBN]


So you met somebody.  That’s cool.  They want to date you.  That’s cool, too.  But you’re freshly single, just out of a relationship, learning about yourself, kumbayah and self-exploration, whatever.  This week, should you DTR?  Play the field?  So many options, and so many reasons to just sit down and think about it first.

Help! I feel like I don’t know how to be single haha. So I’ve been hanging out with this guy (3 dates) and I actually really like him. But, I feel like the smart thing to do is to see other people because it’s so early. I’m pretty into him, but I want to protect myself, so do you agree that I should have a safety net?

The smart thing to do is not to complicate things.  The last thing you want to do when you’ve found a good thing is start looking for another.  You protect yourself by paying attention to yourself, not by spreading yourself thin. Your safety net, no matter what the situation, should never be other people – it should be your own two feet.  Should you take things slow in the beginning?  Probably.  But those nights you spend without him should be spent with your friends, reading excellent books, trying new recipes, putting in the extra hours on that project…not wasting time with other guys just for the sake of “being single” and acting like a sitcom character.

The best part of being single isn’t spending time with a slew of suitors, it’s spending time with yourself.

Do you think there is ever a too-soon time to get into a new relationship? I always thought after a break-up people should take things extremely slow. But I really like this guy….

You can get into another relationship the day after a break-up if you’re both emotionally available, capable, and secure in your own person. It’s just rare that two people should find themselves in such a situation.  So the real question is: who just got out of a relationship?  If it’s you, you know yourself.  If you think you’re truly emotionally ready to get serious with someone again, then godspeed.  If it’s him you’re worried about, then just take things slow.  Rarely is giving something thought the greater mistake.

CollegeCandy is excited to announce that we’ve partnered up with one of our favorite Tumblrs, DateByNumbers, to bring you some of her very best advice. Each week she’ll tackle your questions. Life, love, sex, the real world…nothing will be off limits. To submit a question of your own, visit her “Ask” page and keep an eye on CollegeCandy every Thursday afternoon!

    I've written for Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, Leveled Magazine, College Candy, How About We, and have been featured on several HuffPost Live segments. Creator and leader of Bold Moves October featured on xoJane and Neil Gaiman's blog. Both Neil and Jane appreciate boldness. I specialize in pep talks, very long bike rides, and matching my lipstick to my heels.