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On The Difference Between an Adventure and A Bad Idea [Dear DBN]


Adventures come in all shapes and sizes.  There’s a difference between joy-riding down the highway in your sweet new car versus joy-riding down the highway drunk in your dad’s new car.  This week, take a risk because the adventure is one you want to take, not because someone else wants to.

There is this guy that I only see in the dining hall (of my college) and he is drop-dead gorgeous and vanity be damned I do think he’s checked me out before. My question is, what do you do to get him to approach you? It might be unrealistic because we don’t know each other at all, but what can I do for him to possibly approach me? What do you do when you see a guy across a room and you are like HOLYSHIT BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE A GREEK GOD?

Stop asking how to get him to approach you and just approach him.  Do you know how often girls approach men?  Think about how many times you’ve done it.  Now think about how many times you’ve been approached.  Quite the comparison, huh?  If he looks like a Greek god, you might look like the only girl who’s ever had the chutzpah to talk to him.  Go to that dining hall like you’re going to New York Fashion Week, i.e., look bangin’.  Get in line next to him and say, “Hey, I’m —-.  I always see you here so I thought I’d say hi.”  His silence will be not be condemnation, it will be shock and awe.

Gods don’t date other gods.  They date the mortals brave enough to cut them down to size.

So I have a query for you. I just started dating this guy and everything was going great. Then one day he suggested that we have a threesome. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with the idea and he just flipped out. He said that I was being too prudish and inhibited and that I need to loosen up and be more adventurous. I mean really!!! Am I doing something wrong here?

Babe, the only thing you did wrong was not laughing in his face when he called you prude.  Stop and ask yourself, do you want to have a threesome?  No?  Do you want to try cheese with peanut butter?  Do you want to roller skate while tied to a car?  Do you want to try showing up to work three hours late?  What about the Cinnamon Challenge?  Maybe smacking that cute guy on the ass?  No?  Then don’t.  What you are comfortable doing is your business, and it’s business other people should have the common sense to respect.  He was trying to shame you into doing something you didn’t want to do.

I rarely ever say this, but get rid of him.  That’s a bad seed.  And the next time someone tells you to be more adventurous, kindly remind them that adventures are meant to be fun and exciting, not forced rides down Peer Pressure Lane.  Honestly, the nerve of some people.

I've written for Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, Leveled Magazine, College Candy, How About We, and have been featured on several HuffPost Live segments. Creator and leader of Bold Moves October featured on xoJane and Neil Gaiman's blog. Both Neil and Jane appreciate boldness. I specialize in pep talks, very long bike rides, and matching my lipstick to my heels.