Nick & Mariah Fap To Mariah Carey [Sugar Binge]

Nick Cannon told Howard Stern that he strokes his salami to wife, Mariah Carey‘s, music. That’s actually sort of nice. He should be into his wife and all those scary high notes she sings. It is a bit weird that she gets off, quite literally, on the sound of her own voice. Gawker reports:

“Every interview yields a new Mariah anecdote. (Fun fact: He once confirmed to me that she will remind him that she’s the biggest-selling female recording artist of all time in order to win an argument.) Today’s fun fact is that sometimes he and MC have sex to her music. Also, he masturbates to her music. His favorite song to do it to is the 1993 pre-hip-hop-Mariah treacle anthem, “Hero.””

Childhood obesity is sort of declining . . . ish . . . in some places.

My sassy husband with all the brains and the boobs, Jon Stewart, almost quit his job at The Daily Show and almost ruined our marriage . . . almost

• Lindsay Lohan faces 8 months in jail after violating her probation and skipping court to see her new BF from The (un)Wanted. Aye yie yie, get it together, bb.

Do people with smart phones get laid more than those who still use janky flip-phones like I did until 3 months ago? Probably. That makes sense.

The stylish, Toronto-based, fashion blogger known as “Ikea Monkey” has been removed from his owner’s home and put in a monkey sanctuary. He will no longer be fiercely real :(.

• Avril Lavigne covers Nickelback. World listens. Responds in silence.

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