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Is It Better to Give Than to Receive? [He Said/She Said]


When it comes to relationships, there’s a lot of keeping score. Who wins more arguments, who pays for dinner more, who makes the most romantic gestures, and, of course, who goes down most often. Whether you find yourself giving more than you’re receiving or vice versa, it’s easy for things to get a little unbalanced. Some people just love to do things for their partner, and if both people are happy, what’s the problem? It only becomes an issue when one person starts to feel like they’re putting in a lot of effort and getting nothing in return, which can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment. But as easy as it is to fall into this pattern, it’s so easy to get out of it!

First of all, quit keeping score. Seriously. It’s f***ing annoying. If a guy is legitimately only going to go down on you if you’ve given him an exactly equal number of blow jobs, he’s an as*hole. Sex isn’t about counting and obligation. It shouldn’t be a ‘hey, you haven’t sucked anything of mine in a while, so you don’t deserve to get anything of yours licked’ situation. Sex is about pleasure. Giving and receiving pleasure. Taking pleasure in giving pleasure. If you or your partner are seriously so immature that you ‘can’t’ give head because you were the last one to do it, I can’t even deal with you. Stop keeping count right now. Sexual stuff isn’t a chore, so stop treating it like it is.

HOWEVER, there should be a somewhat balanced exchange of the goods. If your guy makes you feel amazing in bed, why not show him how appreciative you are by doing the same for him? It should never feel like an obligation. If you really hate giving blow jobs, don’t give them. That doesn’t mean oral for you should be completely ruled out. Both people need to quit being petty and just enjoy having sex.

If you find yourself always on the giving end, and you’re not happy about it, talk to your partner. Just bring it up in a non blaming way and explain that you’d like some downstairs action. Don’t make it a ‘I do it so you have to do it’ thing, just tell them that you’d like.

To sum up, don’t keep a sexual act tally chart. Don’t be petty. Enjoy sex, talk about it. It’s that simple.

Click here to see what He Said!

[Lead image via Maksim Toome/Shutterstock]

Born, raised, and living in London, Ellen balances a life filled with reading an excessive number of books, attempting to do Pilates, and writing for Cosmopolitan UK alongside CollegeCandy. Contact me: @twitter