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Being ‘The Other Woman’ [He Said/She Said]


If there’s one relationship topic I’m seriously passionate about, it’s cheating. I’m pretty firm on my beliefs – cheating is horrible. It is one of the most hurtful, selfish things a person can do. Is it understandable in some cases? Yes. Does that make it right? No. I’m also of the opinion that, although it’s really painful when your boyfriend has sex with a random girl he met at a club, it is devastating when your s/o is involved in anything stretched out over a period of time. That implies emotional involvement, it implies that it wasn’t just some dumb mistake he made when he was horny. So I think my thoughts on any guy/girl who cheats on their girlfriend or boyfriend are pretty clear, but what about the other party? Are they to blame if they’re single? What if they didn’t know their hook-up partner even had a girlfriend?

First off, yes, they are so incredibly in the wrong too. I will not listen to the whole ‘but I’m single and free to do what I want with who I want’ argument. In my mind, you can have sex with whoever you want until you’re hurting someone by doing that. And it’s the same with flirtatious texts, sharing personal, private feelings, or just helping someone keep secrets from their significant other in any way.

Here’s a quick message to any girl reading this who is currently helping a guy cheat on his girlfriend: stop immediately. I don’t give a sh*t if you don’t think they’re right together, or if you think that if you weren’t talking to him, he’d still cheat with someone else. No matter how crappy you think a guy is morally, or how bad you think a relationship is, stay the f*** out of it. If he’s going to cheat, why does it have to be you? Why are you even doing anything with a guy who is clearly not trustworthy?

Most girls will encounter cheating at some point, whether someone cheats on them, they cheat on someone else, or someone cheats on their friend. After you’ve seen the kind of pain it causes, how can you possibly be okay with inflicting that on someone else? It doesn’t matter if you don’t know this guy’s girlfriend – I can guarantee she doesn’t deserve it. Why can’t all us girls help each other out? If a guy with a girlfriend starts sending you weird messages, stop responding. If he hits on you while drunk, walk away. Don’t even let it start, don’t let yourself be ‘the b*tch/slut he cheated with’. That’s probably not who you are, but the second you get involved with a guy who’s taken, you are doing something very, very wrong. I have no sympathy for ‘the other woman’ who KNOWS she’s ‘the other woman’, and no respect for her either. Believe me, that doesn’t just go for sex. If you are sitting there Facebook chatting with a guy who has a girlfriend, and you know his girlfriend would be upset if she found out, just stop. Enjoying flirting, sexual pleasure, or proving you can get with a guy – none of these are good enough reasons to justify hurting someone.

However, there are some cases where it really doesn’t take two to tango. I actually feel really bad for any girl who has helped a guy cheat without even knowing it. They automatically get thought of as a terrible person when it’s not even remotely their fault. If they are truly unaware of what’s going on, they’ve been taken advantage of. Any guy who does this kind of stuff is an asshole.

I think my entire view of sexual relationships is pretty simple – do what you want as long as you’re not hurting people. As someone who has been cheated on, I can tell you that it hurts. A lot. Being cheated on changes who you are as a person. A person who has been cheated on kind of loses their innocence – their idea that the nice guys they date wouldn’t do this is shattered forever, and that can lead to trust issues, insecurity, and is just a really terrible process to go through. To sum up, anyone who is consciously willing to put another person through that is making a really crappy decision, and that includes ‘the other woman.’ ‘The other woman’ makes a really damaging decision every time she chooses to sleep with a taken guy, or take friendly chatting a little too far. I reiterate, all ‘other women’ out there, stop right now.

What do you think of ‘The Other Woman’? Is she equally to blame as the guy who cheats? Leave a comment below and click here to see what He Said!

[Lead Image via Edw/Shutterstock]

Born, raised, and living in London, Ellen balances a life filled with reading an excessive number of books, attempting to do Pilates, and writing for Cosmopolitan UK alongside CollegeCandy. Contact me: @twitter