magnifier menu chevron-left chevron-right chevron-down

How To Navigate a Hometown Hookup [Sexy Time]


Hopefully, you’ve survived your finals with vestiges of your sanity intact, and you’re mostly done with your holiday shopping. If not, my deepest sympathies. Let me try to distract you by talking about something a lot more fun – the prospect of the winter break hookup. There is something so quaint about going away to college, evolving as a person, gaining confidence, becoming more comfortable in your skin and returning home a much improved version of your high school self…much to the pleasant surprise of all the people you went to high school with. This means the potential for hanging out in your hometown mall or bar and attracting the attention of a cutie you’ve known for years is pretty great.

Much like the summer fling, the winter break hookup is one of the best forms of the short term gratification. That being said, hometown hookups can be a totally messy affair if they go awry. Like everything else in life, there are rules to successfully embarking on a winter break fling.

1. Be discreet.

This is important on a few levels. If you and your partner are both crashing with family, then you have to figure out where you’re going to hook up. While your parents may suspect that you’re sexually active, there’s really no reason to actually confirm it.  If you’re going to sneak someone home, or if someone is going to sneak you in, you can’t be as balls-to-the-walls as you might normally be (ie, no loud orgasms or slamming the headboard into the wall or serious spanking). Also, you have to make sure you have exit routes and hiding places figured out. Basically, when all is said and done, you might just have to settle for oral in the back of someone’s car (that is parked in a secluded place, obvs).

2. Don’t forget to investigate.

It’s not unheard of for people to conveniently neglect to mention they’re in a monogamous relationship when they’re away from their usual stomping grounds. Out of sight, out of mind…or whatever. Which means that if you’re not trying to be a side piece, make sure to vet your hookups ahead of time. Add them on Facebook, scour their Instagram, and look for signs of recent coupledom so you can make an informed judgment.

3.  Reach for the stars.

…even if you miss, you can fall head first into some holiday pastries. But seriously, if you happen to run into that person you crushed on for years, you might as well go for it. What do you have to lose? If they say no, you’re not going to be forced to sit behind them in homeroom for the rest of the year.

4. Don’t expect a recurring fling. 

It would be nice to have a guaranteed slampiece every time you come home, but life will probably get in the way. Even if things went exceptionally well with your fling, it’s very possible you’ll never heard from them again outside of maybe wishing you a happy birthday on Facebook every year for the foreseeable future. One of you may fall into a serious relationship, or backpack across Asia, or decide to join a convent or monastery. So try to keep thoughts of the future at bay before you end up with needlessly hurt feelings.

If all goes well, you’ll have an excellent distraction from your crazy family, and fun stories to tell your friends when you reconvene in January. Actually, even if things go wrong, you’ll still have fodder for the memoir, so don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!

[Lead image via Anna Lisovskaya/Shutterstock]

    Mariah Carey's closet is what I see when I dream at night. Email me at stilettosandpearlnecklaces [at]!