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The One Thing That Freaks Me Out In the Bedroom… [Sexy Time]


Facials seem to be one of the most polarizing sex acts out there, and I do get why there’s such a kneejerk reaction to it. It’s such a pornographic thing to do, and its association with porn automatically makes it appear sleazier, grosser and more taboo. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with either of those things – two consenting adults should be able to create whatever kind of sexual relationship they want, regardless of stigma. What personally makes me uncomfortable with the idea of facials is the fervent desire guys tend to express when they talk about them. Like their lives just won’t have any kind of meaning unless they ejaculate on someone’s face.  There are countless articles out there directed at guys with language about how to coerce women into letting them do it, and that, to me, is infinitely more grimy than some j*zz on the face.

This isn’t to say I don’t get the appeal of facials. I’ve received a couple in my day, and it was fun. Far from my favorite thing to participate in sexually, but I understand it. From my perspective, it was wantonly, shamelessly, unabashedly submissive and naturally that would be appealing from the other side. Guys are conditioned to be dominant and aggressive, and there’s nothing wrong with bringing that into the bedroom. Shooting a load on a willing participant’s face is definitely pretty innocuous compared to other ways they could choose to express those dominant/aggressive urges. So I’m certainly not judging anyone who wants to go for it. Some guys are so shady about their desires, though. I’ve heard stories from friends who’ve been j*zzed on facially without their consent, which is so beyond appalling. That’s a lot more disrespectful than the act itself.

I feel like there’s this pervasive notion about some men that women don’t enjoy sex, or that we’re all really boring in bed and need to use sneaky maneuvers to do the things they want to do. It’s unfortunate that they don’t realize that most of us are mature enough to handle open communication. My boyfriend asked me if he could give me a facial a couple of months into our courtship, and it wasn’t a big deal at all. If I remember correctly, we were getting intimate and he asked if he could c*me on my face. I wasn’t exceptionally into it, but I was open to trying something new. But even if I hadn’t been and said no, I wouldn’t have blacklisted him over something like that, and I doubt most women would, especially if the guy asked nicely. It’s really worrying that there are dudes running around out there who’d much rather deprive a girl of her agency than talk to her like a normal human being.

For me, facials are a good representation of all the unnecessarily complicated dynamics that are a part of heterosexual relationships – the concern over possible degradation, the impact of porn, the power plays, the coercive approach that so many dudes take to sex…it’s almost hilarious how this silly little act can be so politically charged. Things would be a lot less complicated if we could all just treat each other with respect and stop trying to take away anyone else’s autonomy, and a facial could just remain getting stuff smeared all over one’s face instead of a symbol of all the worst parts of navigating sexual politics.

[Lead image via CREATISTA/Shutterstock]

    Mariah Carey's closet is what I see when I dream at night. Email me at stilettosandpearlnecklaces [at]!