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On Greener Grass and Instant Chemistry [Dear DBN]


The great philosophers of The Clash once asked, “Should I stay or should I go?” Isn’t that always the question? This week we tackle if you should keep looking and when it’s time to just move on.

If you like someone, but it’s new, do you still seek out other opportunities? In other words, what do you think of the whole “putting all your eggs in one basket” logic?

Sometimes it seems that all my eggs just happen to roll into one basket without me noticing. Or, they’re all resting happily in one basket and someone just comes up and plucks one out. When I like someone, I don’t necessarily seek out opportunities, but I don’t object to investigating them should they arise.

Are you asking if you should still seek out other opportunities? Dating multiple people is not for everyone, and because of that, it’s also not for everyone involved. If you are keen on keeping your options open, it’s respectful to make it clear to your suitors that you’re taking things nice and easy. Regardless of what basket your eggs may be in, you should still be open to new experiences and new friends.

Do you think sexual compatibility is something that you automatically have with someone or that it can develop? Or are both possible and normal?

Both are possible and normal. Sex is like a video game. Sometimes you get through the first few levels out of sheer luck, but after that, you need to start picking up codes, tricks, combos and the like to move forward. You can learn to be better to each other, but both people need to pay attention and speak up. The best sex is when you’re both hungry to please each other. If communication is open, that can usually happen.

But mind you, there are also video games where you’ll play one level and throw the controller across the room because are you kidding me? Should that be your situation, I would advise moving on. Sex is quite possibly the best thing about being human aside from baked Brie. If this person hasn’t been able to make you yell Glory! from the rooftops, you may be missing your only chance to do so.

CollegeCandy is excited to announce that we’ve partnered up with one of our favorite Tumblrs, DateByNumbers, to bring you some of her very best advice. Each week she’ll tackle your questions. Life, love, sex, the real world…nothing will be off limits. To submit a question of your own, visit her “Ask” page and keep an eye on CollegeCandy every Thursday afternoon!

I've written for Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, Leveled Magazine, College Candy, How About We, and have been featured on several HuffPost Live segments. Creator and leader of Bold Moves October featured on xoJane and Neil Gaiman's blog. Both Neil and Jane appreciate boldness. I specialize in pep talks, very long bike rides, and matching my lipstick to my heels.