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Get Your Stupid Relationship Out of My Facebook Newsfeed!


Last week I wrote a post on how I was scared that human interactions and relationships were being replaced by machines and Facebook chat. Well, I have decided to continue that rant- think of this as Part Two. This week I will continue my monologue entitled Facebook and Those Annoying Little People with Relationship Statuses.

So I was reading this article about how Facebook is turning us into “relationship braggarts,” and I loved it because it is sooooooo epically true. I should take a moment to preface my monologue saying that yes, I am single, but that is not where my annoyance for the relationship status updaters comes from and I will now proceed to show you why.

Okay, so one of the first things I do when I get up in the morning is check my emails and Facebook (I know, bad habit). However, my main goal in checking Facebook is to see if anyone left ME messages. Instead of a a red box indicating someone has left a message for me, I get bombarded with pictures of people with their boyfriends and girlfriends in barely there bikinis (might as well not be wearing anything), rolling around in the sand, kissing each other passionately. (If you have experienced something similar, please raise your hands at your computers.)

To top it all off, a couple days later I get relationship status updates all over my newsfeed, either stating that they’re now in a relationship, or, better yet, they’re engaged. When they are engaged, Facebook for some reason thinks that it is the most important day in my life as well, and decides to put it on my homepage, FOREVER.

Honestly, it makes me sad to see this because I would probably be guilty of this extreme relationship flaunting, as well. The fact is, it validates our self-worth when we get those coveted “Likes” and comments on our BF/GF photos. Whether we admit it or not, showing society that we’ve found someone who cares about us and thinks we’re awesome has become a ritual. When we post those pictures on Facebook, we are probably more happy at the thought that everyone is going to see them, click through them, and wish you congratulations, than we are at the thought of reliving the moments captured in those pictures.

You know this is the truth because otherwise would you really want the whole world to see your fiancee proposing too you? If this was such an important and beautiful occasion in your life, I would want it to be private and something that only my fiance, my family and I would share. If I choose to put it on Facebook for all of my 500+  friends to see (some of them who I don’t really know…), then it’s not a matter of sharing my happiness with the ones I love. It comes down to me wanting to brag and make others feel bitter about their own lives.

And the golden question still remains: What if you don’t end up with the guy or girl you posted all those pictures of with? What if you break-up and make-up with the same person a million times? Here’s the answer. Since you seem to think you should update your relationship status every time something happens, people will know every time your relationship begins and ends with a person and they will secretly laugh at you. Sorry, but it’s the truth.

Your friends will think to themselves, wow he or she always bombed my newsfeed and now they have broken up- guess they should have it kept it more low key; or they may think, these two are worse than Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. Do you really want to give someone the chance to think these things about you? If the first thing you do when someone says they want a relationship is update your Facebook relationship status, stop for a moment and think about that.

In short, I don’t have anything against the relationship status on Facebook itself, but I do have a thing against the people who decide to put every single detail of their relationship on Facebook! If it were a less frequent thing, then I would be pleasantly surprised if a friend randomly posted a picture of her engagement ring one day. I wouldn’t be saying, well I didn’t see that coming (in a very sarcastic tone), but instead would be genuinely happy for her! So if you are one of those people who updates their relationship status and posts pictures of every single moment, words of wisdom to you: leave a little suspense for others about your life and relationships! P.S. — You don’t need others to boost your confidence and self-esteem- that’s what your significant other is there for.

[Lead image via Instagram]

    I love unicorns but I don't have much experience with them.